DailyRacingRag.com - News Of the 2012 U.S. Presidential Horserace

Wolf Bites Back! Gingrich bitten trying to unleash the hounds on CNN debate moderator.
Wolf was ready for Newt. Last week Gingrich surged in South Carolina after viciously attacking CNN moderator John King and inciting a near mob frenzy. Newt's supporters like him to act tough so Newt turns into the raging bully and attacks the news media at least once every debate. The more personal and vicious the attacks on nattering nabobs the more his bloodthirsty fans squeal in delight. However, this week Wolf Blitzer wasn't going to step into Newt's wolf trap. Blitzer shoved Newt's mob-goading wolf cry of "nonsense question" back into Gingrich's face with a tiny lip-twitching snarl and distinct smell of revenge. Newt eventually answered the question after Romney slapped the snivelling weasel Gingrich for making the claims the moderator had questioned. January 27, 2012. North Florida Mountain Press

Santorum says it's not his job to correct old ladies crazy ideas.

Santorum Says It's Not His Job To Correct Old Ladies!
Santorum says he's not obligated to go around correcting old ladies that think he's in heat like an alley cat and so sexually tormented that he's deliriously lusting for a manly war with Iran.
Some mothers of gays and lesbians are certain that his homophobia and repressed sexual urges have built up such an unnatural rage inside him that Rick, who never served in the military, is now the most warmongering chicken hawk in the GOP race. Santorum promised to slaughter thousands in a war to prevent Iran from developing the ability to build a nuclear bomb.
January 25, 2012. San Francisco Daily Digestor

President Obama's 2012 State Of The Union Address

2012 State Of The Union Address!
In the current class warfare President Obama says it's just common sense to support the side with 99% of all Americans!
Billionaires don't need tax rates lower than their employees. They have trust funds, hedge funds, stocks, bonds, overseas investments, mineral rights, royalties, luxury homes and luxury cars. 99% of the people get a better deal when the 1% pays the same percentage as everybody else. Tired old Republican excuses for corporate welfare and unfair tax subsidies for billionaires have never sounded more like dishonest crap. 99% of Americans clearly know what is unfair and wrong.
January 24, 2012. Obama SOTU Yearly

Gingrich Family Says It's All Good! Newt promises to dramatically increase number of blondes in the White House. The talk of the town is that Newt's wife number two (far left in photo) told ABC news that Newt asked for an open marriage and that wife number three (second from left in photo) who was at the time Newt's mistress of six years, was okay with the idea of a hot three-way blonde bomb. Newt suggested it would have been the ideal logistical arrangement since, because of his big love for America, he was spending so much of his time stuck in Washington D.C. pursuing a partisan impeachment trial of President Clinton. Wife number two who was Newt's mistress during his marriage to wife number one (far right in photo) said no at the time but may be reconsidering because even though she also said Newt was not fit to be President and six years of a cheating lying bastard and his gold-digging home-wrecking mistress in your face could make one bitter... winning does work wonders and Newt has forgiven himself so if wife number two can find forgiveness for Newt she may also find a guest bedroom in the White House.
January 21, 2012. Gingrich E-Soap Digest

Romney to underwater homeowners: eat more fish.

Romney Plan For Underwater Florida Homeowners: Eat More Fish!
None of the Republican candidates have a specific housing plan.
Economists say the solution to the housing crisis is reemploying the more than six million people who lost their jobs in the recession. People need jobs to buy houses and make mortgage payments and that will not change because of political rhetoric. Once the demand surpasses the supply home values will begin to rise again. If underwater homeowners live long enough and keep making their payments most will eventually recover their lost equity.
January 20, 2012. Florida Homes & Seafood

Ali Fights Back!
2012 GOP race relations and warmongering indistinguishable from 1968. Sadly, the audiences at the 2012 GOP debates have frequently resembled snarling mobs. They cheer warmongering calls to commit acts of war and preemptive strikes against nations that are not declared enemies. They cheer executions including the killing of U.S. citizens abroad without capture or trial. They boo a black journalist who took offense at racial slurs. They boo a U.S. Marine in Afghanistan for being gay. They cheer poor people dying in the streets and they cheer denying American citizens basic healthcare. These folks could not be more tone deaf to the words of both Jesus Christ and Thomas Jefferson. The cause is peace. The cause is justice. Liberty and justice for all.
January 19, 2012. South Carolina Sermonator

Chicken hawk says dawgs lack work ethic.

Boy, I Say Boy!
Chicken hawk eggs on howls of protests by attacking barnyard dawgs for lack of work ethic.
This Martin Luther King national holiday Newt Gingrich saw fit to attack poor black kids for lacking a work ethic and insulted the only black man asking questions at the FOX South Carolina debate. Gingrich bloviated on and on in a pompous southern style about the necessity of getting an early start on a lifetime of miserable degrading toil and topped off his ignorant inappropriate race-baiting bombast by calling Obama a food stamp President and rejecting Juan Williams suggestion that many folks take offense to that remark. The entire GOP henhouse audience erupted in a frenzy of full-feathered cluckin' and booed the questioner into a hangdog whimper. Williams was kept on a tight leash for the remainder of the debate held in the big barn at South Carolina's historic Hangin' Tree Farms.
January 18, 2012. Myrtle Beach Cooter

Evangelicals Anoint Santorum! Conservative Evangelical Christian leaders gathered in the Texas wilderness to select the one true Republican savior and settled for Rick Santorum.
Evangelical religious leaders meeting over the weekend have circled their prayer wagons around Rick Santorum who surprisingly received an overwhelming majority after only two ballots. Rick Santorum is now the official right-wing church sanctioned anti-Romney Republican candidate. Church leaders felt Santorum's two-fer of well documented hatred for gays and lesbians and his promise to start an unauthorized war with Iran and slaughter thousands of Iranians, best demonstrated the Texas gathering's understanding of Christianity and their deep belief in the the King Of Peace, Jesus Christ.
January 17, 2012. Texas Word Of God News

You Go Gargoyles!
Romney support in stone.
Gargoyles gathered in Jersey City were prepared to leap into their first political campaign since their installations by filthy rich robber barons in the late 1800's. With a wealthy vulture capitalist candidate running, hopes here are high for a new generation of gargoyles and a continuation of this statuesque species.
January 14, 2012. Gargoyle Gazette Reporter

Rick Perry says Mitt Romney and Bain Capital were vulture capitalists.

Perry Has Proof!
Romney and Bain Capital epitomized get rich quick vulture capitalism.
Rick Perry says Mitt Romney and Bain Capital were vulture capitalists and not venture capitalists. Perry hammered Romney over and over about the thousands of jobs lost in South Carolina as a direct result of Bain Capital shutting down factories in South Carolina, sending the jobs overseas and pocketing over $100 million dollars in profits but leaving behind a landscape of ruined lives and families. Romney made a habit of posing for victory photos with his fellow corporate raiders at Bain Capital during frequent celebrations of shuttered factories, job layoffs and looting millions of dollars from companies they bought. Bain's biggest profits were made directly off the suffering of thousands of working people who lost their jobs because of the predatory vulture capitalism perfected by Bain Capital and Mitt Romney.
January 13, 2012. Perry's Whoopass News

Boss Sets Duke Brothers Free!
Haley Barbour issues pardons to 200 on last day as Mississippi Governor. Haley "Boss" Barbour shocked everybody in Mississippi with the pardons. Five murderers who were in prison one week ago have now hightailed it to parts unknown. The outrage was instant on account of a couple of those pardoned included the notorious Duke brothers of Hazard County who had been confined to TNN and CMT prisons since 1985. Locals are worried sick that Bo 'N' Luke are gonna show up and raise a ruckus.
January 12, 2012. Mississippi Jacksonator.

Clown Car Comes To South Carolina!
Nobody will quit despite another win for Mitt.
Mitt Romney won the GOP primary in the state of New Hampshire with 39.4% of the vote. Ron Paul was second with 22.8% and Jon Huntsman was third with 16.8%. Newt Gingrich was fourth with 9.4%, Rick Santorum was fifth with 9.3% and Rick Perry sixth with 0.7%. Perry's New Hampshire showing was so doggone poor he was forced to ride in the crate atop Mitt's station wagon at the South Carolina welcome parade. If one of the other clowns can't gain on the frontrunner in South Carolina this circus may, sadly, be folding it's tent early. The 47 other states would also like their chance to see as many of these clowns as possible before the nomination is clinched.
January 11, 2012. South Carolina Circus News

Meet The Real Mitt, You're Fired!
Romney says he likes being able to fire people!
Mitt Romney was on the campaign trail in New Hampshire when he let the real Mitt slip out of the bag with an off script comment about switching healthcare providers after Romney guts the current healthcare system on day one of a Romney administration. Romney was trying to explain that under his plan to end Medicare, by substituting limited healthcare vouchers, you can easily fire anybody providing services you're not satisfied with. Mitt explained it as if the act of firing your doctor or therapist was in itself therapeutic and would provide long term health benefits equivalent to the medical care you will not receive once your voucher is spent. The idea of firing folks certainly thrills Mitt Romney who got visibly excited at that point and gleefully proclaimed how much he enjoyed firing people who didn't provide services up to his standards and satisfaction. Mitt Romney's personality is, not surprisingly, a lot like Donald Trump's as both men are filthy rich rich guys who are driven by massive egos, an overblown sense of entitlement, obsessed with endless self-promotion and possessed by the incredible level of pure greed necessary to amass obscene fortunes like theirs. Likewise, terminating employees has always been a source of joy for both men.
January 10, 2012. Mitt's Makeover Monthly

Mitt Still Not Cooked!
Flaming hoops next Survivor series challenge for Mitt Romney.
After two debates in 12 hours and the New Hampshire primary only a day away, Mitt has yet to be roasted and salted but still has a few flaming hoops to jump through before he can claim the GOP nomination. The other candidates helped Mitt by attacking each other on Saturday night but Sunday morning they went after the frontrunner with a religous fervor. Romney's roast left Mitt baked a bit but not deep fried and despite his poll numbers dropping while Paul and Huntsman are gaining, Romney still has a large lead in New Hampshire. The bad news for Mitt Romney is that a right-wing billionaire just donated $5 million dollars to a pro-Gingrich Super-PAC for the sole purpose of putting a major league propaganda hit on Mitt.
January 9, 2012. New Hampshire Survivor Dome

Obama Volunteers On The March!
Tens of thousands working for re-election of President Obama!
They're not millionaires. They don't have trust funds, hedge funds, overseas investments, royalties or mineral rights. They aren't living the easy life on Easy Street and there won't be any yachting this summer. They are the people that are working hard but had a hard time finding that hard work. They may not be in the genius category but they don't need a house call from Dr. House to diagnose they've been backstabbed by Republican politicians carrying water for greedy corporations and an elite wealthy class that live like kings and dismiss the desperate needs of the many as trivial and an agonizing bore.
January 8, 2012. Obama Marching Station

Ron Paul blasted Newt Gingrich for being a chicken hawk.

Paul Calls Out Chicken Hawk!
Angry Paul blasts tough talking politicians who avoided military service!
Of all the candidates only Ron Paul and Rick Perry ever served in the military. Newt Gingrich got a deferment from serving in Viet Nam because of his first wife and two children. Ron Paul was also drafted with a wife and two children but did not shirk his duty to America and served with honor. Paul called it his pet peeve saying people like Gingrich who avoided military service when they had the chance to serve had no right to send young Americans into wars. Ron Paul has received more donations from active duty military personnel than all other candidates combined.
January 7, 2012. New Hampshire Farms Debate

McCain For Whom?
Maverick McCain still gets laughs on campaign trail!
Rick Perry was dissappointed not receiving the endorsement of one his favorite comedians but ended up laughing his ass off (LMAO) anyway. John McCain meant to endorse Mitt Romney but when he gave his speech he accidently said Barack Obama instead of Mitt Romney. Perry laughed out loud (LOL) watching McCain's own "oops moment". The Maverick was hilarious as he squirmed out of his accidental Obama endorsment. Not as funny is Rick Perry's campaign which fell flat in New Hampshire where he last polled under 2%. Rick remains upbeat having been assured a future comedy career and "Funniest Bloopers" hosting slot on the FOX television network.
January 6, 2012. Dusty's Campaign Trail News

A Mitt For All Seasons!
Sarcastic Senator McCain endorses the new Mitt!
Following his eight vote landslide victory in Iowa Mitt Romney stepped off his chartered private jet to New Hampshire and was greeted by John McCain at an event announcing his endorsement of Romney. Nobody knows how to lose an election to Barack Obama more than John McCain so Mitt was thrilled. Mitt now owns the voodoo economics wing of the center right splinter group of the mainstrem Republican portion of the non-Tea Party division of the Republican Party. Romney wore a new sweater vest and chatted in a folksy style. The recent success of Rick Santorum obviously influenced Mitt's newest makeover but for Pete's sake! Mitt has proven time and again he can look or sound like anybody Republicans want him to look or sound like.
January 5, 2012. Mitt's Makeover Monthly

Lord Mitt Romney Wins Iowa Caucus! 8-piece chicken dinner from KFC costs Santorum.
When the sun came up Wednesday morning Mitt Romney attended his coronation photo session on the Iowa Corn Throne as official winner of the Iowa Republican Caucus. Romney and his Super PACs spent enough money on the victorious campaign to purchase over 3000 acres of Iowa corn fields. Rick Santorum lost by 8 votes after a home-schooled bus driver ordered the 8-piece KFC combo and arrived at the caucus site too late to caucus. Ron Paul finished a close third followed by Newt Gingrich, Rick Perry and Michele Bachmann.
January 4, 2012. Iowa Corn Throne

Santorum is challenging Romney's gold plated campaign machine.

Santorum Rally Cornfuses Experts!
Santorum gains in Iowa even as Romney rolls out million dollar gold plated campaign ad machine!
Rick Santorum has been toiling near the bottomland of Iowa polls for weeks but suddenly his campaign is plowing into the top tier territory for the first time ever. Santorum has run family-filled ads featuring his seven home-schooled children and apparently Iowa's children of the corn have responded in bushel baskets. Other candidates have leveled few attacks at Santorum assuming he was a scarecrow but the latest GOP Almanac has been but a booklet of bad predictions from the beginning.
January 2, 2012. Iowa Cornrow Highway

Santorum Promises War With Iran!
Giddy Rick is war monger politician for Christ's sake!
Rick Santorum has as much love for his home-schooled family as he has hatred for the Islamic peoples of Iran who would differ in opinion from a sweater-vested American warmonger who is eager to bomb them into martyrdom. Santorum has made his guarantee of a U.S. military attack on Iran and the apocalyptic war to follow his most passionate campaign promise. A win in Iowa may mean evangelicals have voted for a holy war on Iran.
January 1, 2012. Iowa Killing Fields

Ron Paul says we should try diplomacy instead of bombs.

Ron Paul Is No Peace Puppy!
America's defense does not require endless wars and world domination!
America currently borrows money from China to maintain military bases in 130 nations around the globe. All the Republican candidates except Ron Paul are promising increased military spending and an insane preemptive attack and all out war on Iran without raising a dime to pay for it, without the legal justification for a war and without a legal declaration of war by the U.S. Congress as required by the U.S. Constitutiton. Paul alone understands that a majority of Americans, including many millions of Republicans, are beyond sick to death of stupid endless undeclared wars and the stupid tough-talking power-crazed politicians that start and promote wars for personal political gain or satisfaction of simple evil bloodlust.
December 31, 2011. Des Moines Dog & Pony

Santorum crawls into third place past Perry and Gingrich.

Tortoise Crawls Past Hare In Iowa!
Santorum moves into third place as hare Perry runs wrong direction!
Rick Santorum was delighted! For the first time the self-proclaimed tortoise has seen a surge of support in Iowa. The collapse of support for Michele Bachmann and Newt Gingrich due to uncounted tons of ruffage and the hare-brained dashing in all directions of Rick Perry created an opening and Rick Santorum has inched his way forward at top speed. The tortoise has previously said if he didn't do well in Iowa he was out of the race.
December 30, 2011. Iowa Downs Raceway

Bromance Breakup Broke Newt's Heart!
It's been all downhill since Trump fired Gingrich.
Just 30 days ago Newt Gingrich was leading all national polls and basking in the spotlight with Donald Trump. Then all but two GOP candidates pulled out of Trump's Presidential Apprentice Debate so Trump fired them all including a tearful and dismayed Newt. Since the bromantic breakup the Gingrich campaign has been both disorganized and dispirited. Most heartbreaking of all to Gingrich is knowing his failure to keep Trump on his team cost him millions of dollars in desperately needed campaign cash.
December 29, 2011. Year's Biggest Breakups

If corporations are people Mitt Romney is guilty of mass murder.

If Corporations Are People, Romney Is Mass Murderer!
At Bain Capital, Romney committed abortions and infanticide on struggling young corporations.
Mitt Romney amassed a personal fortune of $250 million by buying out U.S. corporations, murdering them and sending any surviving human jobs overseas. Mitt says his expertise at murderering U.S. corporations will be used on government programs like Social Security and Medicare because they are unjustly biased to favor humans over corporations.
December 28, 2011. Corporate Abortions Today

Romney has a showdown coming with Ron Paul!

Ron Paul Bunyan
vs.
Mild Mitt Romney
Showdown In Des Moines
So far it's been Romney versus "The Gang That Can't Shoot Straight". But now in the final week until Iowa votes, Ron Paul Bunyan, the man with a trillion dollar axe is surging like a flow of ponderosa pine logs coming down a mountain river.
December 27, 2011. Iowa Okay Corral Blog

Frantic Gingrich left off Virginia ballot!

Newt's Got Some Splainin To Do!
Disorganized candidate left off Virginia ballot.
Despite Newt Gingrich being the favorite in Virginia where he has lived for the past seven years, his disorganized campaign failed to collect enough signatures to get him on the ballot. It's a major setback and the Gingrich campaign compared it to Pearl Harbor. But Mitt Romney has joke writers on the payroll and within hours Mitt was everywhere saying "Pearl Harbor? More like Lucille Ball in the chocolate factory. You gotta get it organized." Romney is feeling good with millions of dollars in attack ads pulverizing Gingrich in Iowa while a frantic Newt is floundering for lack of campaign cash.
December 21, 2011. Newt's Chocolate Factory

Romney Wins Illuminati Endorsement!
Post-Apocalypse plans for New World Order securely in place.
In a private ceremony held in the 39th floor penthouse solarium of a Manhattan high rise, Mitt Romney received an essential endorsement from the Illuminati represented by none other than former President George H. W. Bush. The Illuminati control the vast majority of the world's wealth and have been the wealthiest people on the planet for more than 200 years. Less than 99 families control more wealth than 99% of the world's population. The the Illuminati's plans for a post- Apocalypse New World Order have been in place for decades so they represent the status quo and their endorsement of Romney was no surprise. From the world of business Mitt has been on a first name basis with many of the superrich elite for a very long time. Fed Chairman Bernanke attended the event but stayed near the buffet table as the food is always excellent at these Illuminati chowdowns.
December 20, 2011. New World Order Tower

Newt rests after a particularly wordy diatribe!

Frankly, Newt Gingrich Got Fat At Public Trough!
Gingrich says frankly he is fundamentally a historian and categorically denies that a few million dollars could radically alter his progressively conservative ideology which is universally and properly recognized as profoundly and profusely adverb rich and candidly has been demonstrably proven noteworthy repeatedly!
An exasperated Gingrich also said frankly the negativity of the largely Republican sponsored campaign activity against him is candidly seedy and unequivocally and diabolically dangerous as well as possibly historically unprecedented. Gingrich was apparently exhausted from frankly an overly ambitious and uncautiously optimistic strategy basically wherein the candidate inexplicably spews adverbs at ratios normally considered to be of legendary proportionality especially considering the characteristically limited time duration of windows of opportunity and frankly the brevity of typically broadcast sound bites aired nationally.
December 16, 2011. Cedar Rapids Thesaurian

Newterman Hosts Event For Kids Who Want To Be School Janitors!
Newt crooned "Flock Of Seagulls" hits in the upstairs rumpus room of a large mansion in his wealthy Virginia neighborhood.
Attendance was sparse with just three neighborhood mothers and no children who all fled in terror when they saw Newt's heavily armed security detail. Two of the mothers said they would vote for Gingrich and wrote out political contribution checks at the legal maximum but a third said her vote was conditional on the outcome of a custody battle despite also writing out a check for the maximum legal contribution. She said if her ex-husband won and her kids supported the decision then she wanted her kids to clean school toilets otherwise she was going to be be too busy to bother voting. The Gingrich campaign declared the event another successful fundraiser and were certain they were connecting with voters of all ages. Other neighhbors including Mr. and Mrs. Smith, who didn't want to be identified, had complained to the police because the traffic snarl had delayed the delivery of an ice sculpture to their lawn party.
December 13, 2011. Gingrich For The Kids LLC

Speak Softly And Carry A Big Axe!
When it comes to cuts see Ron Paul Bunyan!
Ron Paul is the most ardent Congressional budget cutter of all time. His voting against new government spending more times than anybody else in Congressional history earned him the nickname "Dr. No". Representative Ron Paul (R-TX) has voted against new government spending time after time after time for his entire career. He has been the lone NO vote on spending more times than anybody can count. Now that budget cutting has become a frenzy the other candidates still only propose gimmicks like slowing the rate of growth in spending and not actually making any real or unpopular cuts. Except for Ron Paul Bunyan, that is. If the issue of axing government spending is a GOP voter priority in the primary elections, Ron Paul towers over the other candidates and should do extremely well. Paul stands alone among the candidates in advocating slashing $1 trillion in military spending, ending the failed war on drugs, and saving the United States government hundreds of billions of dollars by keeping it's nose out of everybody's personal and private business. Ron Paul spares no trees in the forest and even if you like him he intends take his axe to some government spending that you and everybody you know are going to want to be continued. Compared to the experience and leadership Ron Paul has shown on the issue of government financial responsibility, the other candidates are like children with a $500,000 revolving line of credit at Tiffany's Toy Store.
December 11, 2011. Federal New Growth Forest.

Romney Debuts The New Mitt!
He can be anybody Republicans want him to be for Pete's sake!
In a bold marketing gamble that reminds long time advertising people of the famous Coca-Cola switch, Mitt Romney unveiled a new reformulated Mitt Romney with obvious flavor influences from opponent Newt Gingrich. The Romney campaign realized Michele Bachmann had a great marketing slogan when she repeatedly chanted "Newt Romney" in the last Iowa Republican debate so they went right to work on Mitt's makeover. Mitt's campaign braintrust thinks they may have come up with just the right combination for compulsive candidate-switchers and undecided schizophrenic GOP voters in Iowa and are hoping this new tactic is the one that makes all Republicans finally accept Mitt Romney as the inevitable pre-selected nominee of the 2012 FOX News Presidential Election Corporation.
December 10, 2011. Mitt's Makeover Monthly

Of the wealthy, by the wealthy and for the wealthy.

His Royal Highness Lord Mitt Romney!
Wealthy frontrunner Lord Mitt Romney champions government of the wealthy, by the wealthy and for the wealthy.
Honestly, no other candidate more accurately reflects the beliefs and values of Republicans today. "I've got mine and get lost if you don't have yours." The original Tea Party in 1776 fought against tyranny from an English king with a deaf ear to economic injustices. But today's Tea Party of 2011 fights to establish an even more tyrannical economic imbalance than what existed in 1776. Personal and corporate greed and fear of losing what money they have are the core tenets of today's GOP Tea Party and the other people BE DAMNED! Mitt Romney was a successful corporate takeover artist who made $250 million by shipping American jobs overseas. He should be villified as a traitor to American workers, American freedoms and American families, yet because he has so goddam much money he is a hero and pied piper for the greed-infested rat nests of GOP and Tea Party economic slavemakers. They worship the man with the gold because they know with absolute certainty from everyday life in America that the man with the gold makes the rules and the people BE DAMNED!
October 12, 2011. Romney Imperial Palace.

Drunken Boehner Confesses His Sins!
I'm a douchebag and been a big liar my whole life.
I grew up around my Dad's bar where he made me mop up after drunks who had pissed all over the bathroom. I used to pick up their wallets and steal their cash. I learned how to bullshit at a young age and that's all I ever do now.
October 10, 2011. Congressional Whiskey Bar.

Al-Awlaki's Final Seconds On Tape!
Hellfire missile finds American-born terrorist in Yemen desert.
Anwar al-Awlaki was humming along in his just-washed 1988 Mercedes Benz on the main highway crossing the hot Yemeni desert in the Al Jawf region and talking jihad with Samir Kahn, his webmaster and only other known American-born al-Qaeda terrorist, and then...Byaaaaang! He's soot. President Obama announced the development adding we've run out of influential American-born radical al-Qaeda terrorists to vaporize.
October 6, 2011. Yemen Blockbuster Video.