|DAILY RACING RAG EXCLUSIVE! If everybody else had these stories they wouldn't be exclusive.|
| Flavor Of The Week Offer Extended!|
Herman Cain's new internet ad smoking hot!
Going into his third week as a flavor of the week and top tier candidate Cain's internet ads have used a recurring smoking theme to create buzz.
October 30, 2011. Cain Advertising Agency.
|Flustered Rick May Quit Debates!|
Smart refrigerator beats Perry and Santorum!
A 2008 Frigidaire smart refrigerator out thought both Rick Perry and Rick Santorum in this test of brainpower. Neither candidate believes in science on basics like evolution or climate change so their defeat by a machine programmed with facts was somewhat expected. After the contest both candidates scoffed at the refrigerator for it's opposition to economic injustices that deny consumers more access to the refrigerator's extended family of smart appliances.
October 27, 2011. Iced Tea Party Debate.
| Chilean Model Taken Hostage?|
Cain offers to trade 999 illegal immigrants, close Yuma detention facility.
Herman Cain promised to never deal with terrorists but in this hypothetical case Cain simplified matters by renaming the terrorists "talent coordinators" and taking the deal.
October 17, 2011. Cain Policy Gamers Derby.
|Cain Reveals Plan For U.S. Military!|
Simplify everything and no more gays! Herman Cain has come up with his strategy for America's armed forces and it has already been proven popular with millions of teenage military strategists who play "Call Of Duty". Herman just went to his local shopping mall to determine how to best command the entire United States Armed Forces and which enemies to kill. Cain's 999 tax plan was also based on a popular video game "Sim City 4". Simplicity is the key to every policy for Herman Cain because simple minds deserve simple answers.
October 17, 2011. Cain Policy Toy Store.
|Bachmann Mind Meld Unplugged!|
Suddenly Tea Party thinks Michele Bachmann is from another planet! Bachmann lost her language translator and is no longer on the Tea Party menu as those fickle folks gorge themselves on a new flavor of the month. Not long ago Bachmann was the Tea Party's peachy keen vanilla bean ice cream right-wing darling and then overnight she was upchucked into the void of deep space and is now wandering in a worm hole while a pampered pack of pickled puckers taste the entire 31 flavors menu. Black walnut is the new flavor craze according to Herman Cain. Logically Bachmann has time enough for a comeback but she's melting faster than her home planets' bi-polar ice caps.
October 16, 2011. Lost Flavor Frontier.
|Lord Mitt Romney's Secret Weapon!|
Wealthy frontrunner has gold to outspend rivals. Romney was a corporate takeover artist who made $250 million by shipping American jobs overseas. He now has more personal wealth than the rest of the GOP candidates combined. Republicans, like ancient sects, worship gold and idolize a man ruthless enough to steal more of the sacred metal than others, especially if done while outwardly appearing trustworthy.
October 14, 2011. Romney Imperial Palace.
|Herminator's 9 Slice Nein Nein Nein Pizza Deal!|
Now with mini Nazi mushrooms! Herman Cain has come up with a winning slogan that has caught fire with the public. His Nein Nein Nein tax plan is more popular than other identical or superior tax plans with less catchy names. In his career of selling cardboard tasting pizza and cheap plastic shoes from China Cain has shown an ability to put minimum wage folks to work and pocket the profits as an overpaid corporate CEO.
October 13, 2011. Cain-Nicht International.
|His Royal Highness Lord Mitt Romney!|
Wealthy frontrunner Lord Mitt Romney champions government of the wealthy, by the wealthy and for the wealthy.
No other candidate more accurately reflects the beliefs and values of Republicans today. "I've got mine and get lost if you don't have yours." The original Tea Party in 1776 fought against tyranny from an English king with a deaf ear to economic injustices. But today's Tea Party of 2011 fights to establish an even more tyrannical economic imbalance as personal and corporate greed is the core tenet of today's GOP Tea Party. Mitt Romney was a corporate takeover artist who made $250 million by shipping American jobs overseas. He should be villified as a traitor to American workers, freedoms and families yet because he has so goddam much money he is a hero and pied piper for the greed infested rat nests in today's GOP Tea Party. They worship the man with the gold because they know with absolute certainty that the man with the gold makes the rules and the American people can BE DAMNED!
October 12, 2011. Romney Imperial Palace.
| Value Voters Prez Discounts Ron Paul Straw Vote Victory!|
C'mon we're a chickenshit organization at best. Family Research Council President and top cock Tony Perkins didn't like the fact that Ron Paul won 37% of the vote. Perkins said the Ron Paul campaign unfairly influenced the poll by busing supporters to the Value Voters Summit. Perkins said true conservatives never ride the bus and Paul's victory is not reflective of the national conservative mood that his bogus organization ludicrously purports to represent.
October 11, 2011. Value Voters Straw Barn
|Drunken Boehner Confesses Sins!|
I'm a douchebag and been a big liar my whole life.
I grew up around my Dad's bar where he made me mop up after drunks who had pissed all over the bathroom. I used to pick up their wallets and steal their cash. I learned how to bullshit at a young age and that's all I ever do now.
October 10, 2011. Congressional Whiskey Bar.
Herman Cain's game is confidence, but is it a confidence game? (yes)
The always confidant Cain has made big gains and climbed into the top tier in latest polls. But can he continue to charm GOP tea drinking conservatives and evangelical Christians? Those folks are tossing their tea leaves into wishing wells hoping Cain isn't selling snake oil but the liberal pain killing medicine they've been craving... Obamacaine. Cain's support is weakest with African-Americans but he says it's Democrat "brainwashing, pure and simple".
October 8, 2011. Cain Brainwashin' Dome.
| Corporate Zombie Traitor To America|
Eric Cantor damns construction workers, veterans & teachers.
Eric Cantor is a cynical black-eyed agent of greed and the devil's personal Representative from Virginia. He is a Tea Party terrorist with no friends and is despised by tens of millions of middle-class Americans. His own family has disowned him and is reported to be in hiding. As House majority leader he has blocked emergency disaster aid, sabotaged the American ecomony and refused to allow a vote on the American Jobs Act.
October 7, 2011. Capitol Building Catacombs.
|Al-Awlaki's Final Seconds On Tape!|
Hellfire missile finds American-born terrorist in Yemen desert. Anwar al-Awlaki was humming along in his just-washed 1988 Mercedes Benz on the highway crossing the hot Yemen desert in the Al Jawf region and talking jihad to Samir Kahn, his webmaster and only other known American-born al-Qaeda terrorist, and then...Byaaaaang! He's soot. President Obama announced the development adding he's run out of influential American-born radical al-Qaeda terrorists to vaporize.
October 6, 2011. Yemen Blockbuster Video.
|Grover Norquist: Extortionist On Call|
Norquist holds no-tax pledges written in blood in his private vault. Republicans that even discuss closing tax loopholes or raising taxes on the superrich are forced to polish the knob of Norquist or face certain defeat in their own GOP primaries from big money opposition labeling them blasphemous tax raisers and sentencing them to banishment. The GOP no-tax pledge signers are expressly forbidden from putting the interests of the United States of America above the special interests of the superrich for any reason. The result has been a life-threatening poisioning and debilitating paralysis of the effectiveness of Congress.
October 5, 2011. Grover Norquist Fortress.
|Jon Huntsman To Make Foreign Policy A Dress!|
Endorsed by Wall Street Journal Fashion Page.
Jon Huntsman will make a major fashion statement on China and India. A spokesmodel gave a hint to the Huntsman style by saying that since 75% of dressmaking jobs are now in China or India, American women could save a lot of money if they dressed more like Chinese and Indian women.
October 4, 2011. Huntsman-Gunn Design Inc.
|Perry Eyes Military Invasion Of Mexico!|
Open to U.S. troops in Mexico killing Mexicans.
Rick Perry says U.S. troops may be needed for the purpose of killing criminal drug cartels. Rick Perry has been winning the who's dumber race with George W. Bush and a military invasion of Mexico would clinch it.
October 3, 2011. Texas Slow Thinker Derby.
128 Prior Posts! since October 2010 OPENING DAY of the 2012 Presidential Derby
... April 2011 ... March 2011 ... February 2011 ... January 2011
... December 2010 ... November 2010 ... October 2010
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