|MITT ROMNEY EXCLUSIVE! If everybody else had these stories they wouldn't be exclusive.|
|ROMNEYHAIR Real life is sometimes stranger than the movies but this bio-pic is a fitting tribute to a two-time Presidential loser who set the gold standard for his famously perfect hair. Brushing off his last crushing defeat career politician Mitt Romney quits the politics business and combs through his opportunities until he establishes RomneyHair Inc. Within six months Mitt sells 414 franchises at over $1 million apiece and RomneyHair Inc. becomes America's busiest hair salon. All of the remaining Republican presidential candidates quickly switch to the RomneyHair Inc. patented "Presidential Cut" to dramatically improve their looks.|
|BIRDMEN Two has-been middleweights both former politically-connected powerhouses take to the stage in a bitter fight auditioning for a prized role very few people want to see either of them play. Tensions mount backstage as both had assumed the role was theirs oblivious to the fact that the majority of their core audience would prefer anybody but these over-the-hill retirees in the leading man category. This award-winning film brilliantly exposes the shallow emotional fantasy world of political perceptions to the fresh air of realism and sunlight.|
|LIFESTYLES OF THE FABULOUSLY WEALTHY should be a breakout hit for the LUXURY CHANNEL when both the show and the network debut this spring. The American economy has come roaring back for the fabulously wealthy and fabulously wealthy Mitt Romney earned as much as $44 million in 2013 from the sweetest of tax avoidance strategies called carried interest with it's fabulously low income tax rate. Mitt Romney celebrated by buying two 18th century French water cannons for his ocean bluff villa on the drought stricken California coast. Mitt said the grandkids will love 'em this summer as they can shoot an estimated 900 gallons of water per minute.|
|Romney Popularity Plummets Out Of Orbit! Exiled landslide loser may join asteroid belt. Mitt Romney's popularity numbers have continued to fall like lead bricks since his humiliating defeat on election day. November 28, 2012. Astral Ejection News|
|Future News Extra! Recap The Bully Puppet! Roosevelt used bully pulpit for good, Romney was a bully puppet of billionaires! Like an answer to the purchase order prayers of the Koch Brothers and Grover Norquist, Mitt Romney was a right wing rubber stamp in the complete downsizing and liquidation sale of the American middle class. A homeless mob recently burned the never opened Romney Presidential Library to the ground. October 22, 2026. Time Magazine Future Edition|
|Ann Comes Out In New Magazine Debut! Rupert Murdoch personally edits premiere issue. Even before Mitt Romney's visions of political grandeur became reality the Romney's lived a life of spectacular luxury whenever and wherever they chose. In this slick new glossy magazine and pricy subscription website Rupert Murdoch is able to share a glimpse of the ridiculously rich and incredibly exclusive pleasures and perks that come with immense power and wealth to a ravenous audience of rich wannabees worldwide. Murdoch simply replaces his ancient aged face with prettier plutocrats and like all 1634 publishing entities owned by Murdoch there will be plenty of celebrity boob pics and gossip. Donald Trump reportedly has a huge surprise that will shock America to be revealed in the second issue. October 28, 2012. My Rich Magazine|
|Binders Of Women! Appropriate new hash tag sticks to Romney Ryan ticket. Mitt Romney said the words himself and now nobody will let them go because they are so representative of what Romney will actually do to set back womens reproductive rights. If Mitt Romney gets elected Tea Party politicians in Washington D.C. will be in charge of women's bodies not women. October 18, 2012. American Bindage Magazine|
|Romney Energy Plan! Burn as much coal as possible until Jesus gets here. Mitt Romney says don't worry about climate change and pollution because we have enough coal to last until Jesus returns to Missouri and solves all of our problems. Romney insists corporations can make a lot of money burning coal until the skies are black and then selling the electricity to the highest bidders even if local communities die from lung disease. Romney says the great thing about corporations being people is that while they have many challenges they can actually live for hundreds of years and their survival is not threatened by the normal human lifespan or environmental pollution. October 16, 2012. Corporate Power Magazine|
|Romney Says Chinese Cheating! Chinese say "How So?". Chinese factory workers working for an American company making American products for Americans like the family of artist Cui Bo have no idea what Mitt Romney is talking about. Romney, the original 100% owner of Bain Capital is the same American businessman who shipped thousands of good American jobs to China that thousands of Chinese now work hard at. Both parents make kitchen appliances for a Bain controlled American company that used to manufacture products in Ohio, U.S.A. Maybe Romney thinks he should have made hundreds of millions of dollars more for destroying the lives of thousands of American factory workers. Maybe Romney thinks he'd be a billionaire if only his Chinese slave drivers would crack the whip harder and increase his profits. October 15, 2012. Confuse Us Magazine|
|Romney Celebrates Shameless Debate Victory! Mitt brings motorized etch-a-sketch and lies his ass off while making up pure horsehit. Mitt Romney is a psychopath and pathological liar and apparently people find that loveable because the Romney camp has been raking in extra money and climbing in the polls since Mitt took it to the President in an unexpected debate victory. President Obama seemed dumbfounded by the quantity and depth of Romney's nonstop lies. It was frustrating for Obama because Romney showed up ready for a mud wrestling match and Obama came to teach a junior college class. October 8, 2012. Popular Psychopaths Magazine|
|Meet The Real Romney! Mormon Mitt is a mainstream Mormon and you probably aren't. You might want to know why no member of the Romney family has ever joined any branch of the U.S. military and why Mitt fled to France as a young Mormon missionary to avoid serving America in the Vietnam War. Alcohol, coffee and caffeine are not allowed. Diet beverages only. Smoking is out of the question. Marijuana is never allowed for any purpose. It is mandatory to give at least a tenth of your income to the LDS church every month if your spirit wants to avoid an eternity in spirit prison. If your spirit follows Mormon law through enough lifetimes you can become an actual God in one of the spritual kingdoms or galaxies in the universe as there are many planets similar to earth and Jesus-like Gods visited each of them. In the 1800's planet earth's own special Jesus came to America and told the story to a raging drunk who then became the LDS church founder and took 20 wives and Mitt has been spreading this holy flapdoodle his entire life possibly in appreciation of the fact that the Mormon church protected Hello Mitty from the war. October 4, 2012. Mitt Magazine|
|Romney Rehearses Zingers! Mitt Romney may use "Obama Yo Mama" tactics in debate. With a Republican Party platform that is indefensible, Romney must divert attention from the document that 80% of all Americans would absolutely reject and pretend that he will do something other than what he and other Republicans have promised to do. It is a cynical, dishonest, immoral and despicable approach but those things are virtues in Romney's wheelhouse of deceit, greed and lies. Romney is such a prolific liar he can tell lies in his sleep, so the focus at debate practice has been on getting in scripted zingers. Romney will slip in insults and misinformation to set up his punchline zingers that ditto heads can repeat to other low information clones in the Republican Party and make them feel superior and snappy despite their blindness and willful ignorance of things truthful or factual. If Romney can just get one insulting zinger to register a chuckle, FOX news will play it hourly until election day so Romney has been cramming on soundbite zingers hoping to use them at every opportunity. October 3, 2012. DeBate University Gazette|
|We Got Money! Romney says campaign is doing simply Marvelous! Just look at the money people throw at us and we don't even need it. Even if Romney loses the election Mitt has guaranteed that he and Ann will make a nice profit. For appearances sake, Mitt overpaid his 2011 income taxes. Otherwise, he would have been caught in another lie because he repeatedly said he paid at least 13.9% which is already ridiculously low. He could have gotten away paying only 9% but that would make him appear more like a tax cheat than he already does. If Mitt loses the election all he has to do is file an amended return to get a refund check of approximately $2.5 million. September 25, 2012. Romney Monsoon Fund Monthly|
|Romney Tries New Tone! Mitt morphs into Mexican from Mexico City for Spanish language TV. Critics quickly attacked Romney for dyeing his face brown and it was obvious whenever either of his lily white hands got near his face. Nobody criticized Mitt's new mustache, however, maybe because it looked muy macho. Romney didn't give any reasons for Latino voters to vote for him but he definitely made an appearance. September 23, 2012. Mexico Televiso La Nacho|
|New Secret Romney Video From Florida Mansion! Lord Romney revealed as preening pompous plutocrat. Putting on airs comes naturally for this silver spooner and it absolutely delights Lord Romney to sit upon his throne and lord about the castle in a lordly manor while white gloved servants rustle about underfoot always careful to never make eye contact with the Lord. Lord Romney is accompanied by his king's golden crown and scepter from the 14th century, his royal throne from the 12th century and a 7th century invisible royal robe when attending private no press big donor fundraisers. Only the elite multimillion dollar fundraisers get a private audience with Lord Romney to behold the Lord Romney wearing his birthright in all his glory. September 22, 2012. NewsLord Weekly|
|800,000 Romney Books Returned To Publisher! Slow sales force clearance discounts. Everyone knew the book wasn't worth reading but the publishers had hoped that a couple million Republicans might want to buy a coffee table size copy of the book full of glossy photos as a souvenir hoping that Mitt Romney could sign it for them one day. It didn't happen and now semi-truck trailers full of the Romney books are on the way back to the publisher to be shredded and recycled. September 19, 2012. Book Disasters Blog|
|Hip Hop Setback For Comeback Team! Duo gets backstage but find no backers. A Romney campaign aide thought Nicki Minaj had endorsed Romney because she says so on in a rhyme on her record but when the corporate crusaders got backstage they were embarrassed and dismayed to learn that both Nicki Minaj and Beyonce had endorsed President Obama. That takes the demonic duo all the way back to zero in the influential hip hop celebrity endorsement tally. September 17, 2012. Celebrity Junkie Blog|
|Romney Ship Taking On Water! Right wing pirates starting to abandon ship. Arrrrgh! Capt Romney may have to face down the bubblin' fury of a pirate mutiny led by ship's mate Rush Limbaugh and galley wench Laura Ingram as some of the crew may already be lookin' to the highest yardarm to string 'emselves up this former son of a Lord turned ruthless pirate who's now gone and run their ship aground more than once. September 13, 2012. Ye Olde Pirate Post|
|Undemonize Me, Please. New Romney ads featuring sympathetic Mitt match Ann's pity party.
The Republican Tea Party advertising brain trust that advised Christine O'Donnell, who was famously accused of being a witch, has rushed in to rescue what Ann Romney called a DEMONIZED Mitt Romney on Meet The Press. The new Romney ads are known to be effective with brain dead, schizophrenic and psychotic voters in swing state psychiatric hospitals but campaign insiders say that if they can convince independent voters that Democratic witch doctors from the black jungle in Kenya are responsible for the powerful magic that makes Romney and Ryan appear as demons, then they have a shot at winning the newly fearful backlash voters. September 10, 2012. Advertising Insider
|Ann Romney Complains Mitt Has Been Demonized! Wimp's wife weeps and wallows on whine time TV while Hello Mitty watches and whimpers and speaks in whispers. She has over $100 million in her IRA retirement account without ever holding a paid job but Ann Romney wants the little people to know that she and Mitt understand what struggle is. My goodness! Mitt has been turned into a demon and we've had to call in an exorcist. And my dancing horse has a charley horse and that worries me. So I certainly do understand struggling to get through a tough day and then struggling to have enough energy for a fabulous dinner party later that same evening.
September 9, 2012. Meet The Press Blog
|Romney Wants $2 Trillion Defense Spending Increase To Counter Russians! Putin leads Siberian cranes on radar evading reconnaissance mission. Republican neocons and military contractors reacted as if to air raid sirens as they immediately recognized an urgent opportunity to justify a new rationale for unwarranted defense spending increases despite a national budgetary crisis. Romney has criticized President Obama while ignorantly labeling Russia as our number one geopolitical threat. In Mitt's world... forgot about the war in Afghanistan, forget about Iran and even forgot about Al Queada because in Mitt's Mad Mad Mad World... Russia is our number one threat. Putin was leading the endangered cranes over Siberia in a widely ridiculed stunt. The Department of Defense did not ask for the additional $2 trillion dollars Republicans want them to spend as stated in their official party platform. September 7, 2012. The Neocon Noodleer|
|World Famous Seer And Psychic Predicts Shocking October Surprise!
Mitt's Romneyan secret may go where no politician has gone before. A world famous seer and psychic who chose to remain anonymous due to a current 106 day winning streak at the OTB claimed the world will be both shocked and terrified. She told of a vision that suddenly explained Romney's mysterious aloof nature and why he doesn't like to talk about himself. After cashing an impressive superfecta the anonymous psychic went on to say that the terrifying part of her vision will be something like Star Trek meets Scientology. When a cloaked Romulan warbird piloted by Tom Cruise is discovered orbiting planet earth a worldwide panic ensues until a sparkling purple aura magically encircles the planet and induces mass euphoria and memory loss among humans. Video cassettes return as the preferred option for renting movies. September 5, 2012. Romulan Ale Blog
|Bain "Bust Out" Business Model Invented By Al Capone! Mitt Romney perfected the scheme within the gray areas of convoluted tax laws. Mitt Romney followed the lead of Al Capone in making money for his Bain Capital investors by the use of bribery (bonuses to executives of targeted business), looting (excessive consulting and management fees), plundering (liquidating assets and pocketing proceeds) and intentional failure (piling on debt). A "bust out" is a confidence scheme in which an established business is taken over, a large stock of merchandise is purchased on credit and quickly sold, and the business is then abandoned or bankruptcy is declared. The Romney version of a bust out scheme is nearly identical to that used by Al Capone during Prohibition. Capone would take over restaurants, borrow on their good credit to buy booze, steal the booze and torch the restaurant to collect the insurance money. The original restaurant owners who were bribed and intimidated into accepting Capone as a partner were left with nothing but ashes and all employees lost their jobs. Sounds familiar doesn't it? READ MORE September 3, 2012. Bad As Business Blog|
|We Don't Pay Taxes, Only The Little People Pay Taxes! Mitt Romney and Bain Capital's first financial backers were convicted junk bond fraudster Michael Milken and a corrupt El Salvador oligarch cartel. While Romney was 100% owner of Bain Capital, Mitt helped hundreds of unnamed and unscrupulous but fabulously wealthy tax cheats cheat the U.S. treasury out of billions in tax revenue just so Romney|
| could take his cut. However, what Mitt Romney calls "helping others" imposes financial hardship upon all Americans who dutifully and legitimately pay their income taxes. Mitt Romney and his fellow lawless pirates who hide their treasure chests of dubious bounty in untouchable Cayman Islands bank accounts are tax cheats and a scourge on America. The cash value of Mitt and Ann Romney's secret untaxed stashes of hoarded treasures around the world in countless secretive tax haven bank accounts may never been known but is likely to be at a minimum in the hundreds of millions of dollars and is kept out of America for the sole reason of evading payment of U.S. income taxes. That makes it dirty money and Mitt Romney is every bit as big a dirty slimball as all the traitorous criminal creeps he has helped to defraud and cheat Uncle Sam and all Americans.
August 4, 2012. American Tax Dodgest
|Romney Ryan Steer Clear Of Security Issues! Republican convention speeches make no mention of Afghanistan or offer of support for American military personnel in harm's way. However, security in Tampa on the mall surrounding the Republican convention was airtight after Romney took command. Mitt was wearing a crisp new security guard uniform as he recalled in his college days he used to dress up as a Michigan state trooper and stop other student's cars. Paul Ryan added he once helped escort a minority transient from the McDonalds restaurant he worked at as a teen. Despite zero military background or foreign policy experience Romney and Ryan are confidant that guarding their convention from protestors proves their ability to wage a conflagration of Biblical proportions. A prior photo op on a battleship was also meant to show that the Republican ticket deems itself ready to wage a nuclear holocaust. August 25, 2012. Unarmed Forces Report|
|Trust Me, I Haven't Been A Tax Cheat For At Least 10 Years! Romney would not verify his claim and made no mention of his zero payment tax returns from 1992 until 2002 when Mitt caught the political bug again in Salt Lake. Slick Mitt said he paid at least 13% in taxes every year for the last 10 years but refused to specifically call those taxes income taxes and the totals may have included property taxes and sales taxes. After his landslide Senate defeat in 1992, Mitt decided he was through with politics and pursued every dirty tax scheme ever invented and then invented dozens more. He was investigated several times by the government for numerous nefarious activities involving foreign tax cheating of which he became a recognized specialist and go-to guy for El Salvadoran cartels and other cash-rich types who were assured complete anonymity when investing in Romney's multiple schemes. August 18, 2012. The Sludge Report|
|The Deal Maker! Ryan insisted on a Romney promise to try to get kid toys put back in his favorite happy meals before accepting VP nod! Paul Ryan says Michele Obama's campaign to promote children eating healthy foods has robbed youngsters of really cool toys and hurt fast food corporate profits as millions of obese children could be much fatter. Romney presented Ryan with an awesome scale model die cast Wienermobile and an amazing genuine Star Wars collectible and Ryan was sold. August 17, 2012. The Fridge Report|
|Record Review - Gutsy Folk - Mitt Makes Music! Republicans counting on catchy patriotic themed jingles to win over clueless independent voters and amnesia victims! This record may not top the Billboard charts but if anything can bring back old-time barbershop harmonies it's the gawd-awful flat tone wailings on this far right freaking disaster. August 17, 2012. Politics & Music Magazine|
| Republican Convention Preview! Santorum, Gingrich, Palin, Perry and Jindal snubbed.
Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich and the three most famous Republican politicians to endorse Newt in his failed primary run against Mitt Romney have all been denied a chance to address the GOP convention. Payback is a bitch in politics. Also excluded were John McCain, George W. Bush and Dick Cheney as Republicans don't like to be reminded of their history of abysmal failures. August 15, 2012. News Preview Network
|Romney Picks Boy Wonder As Running Mate! Just in time to divert spotlight from Bain Capital and Romney's tax cheating years. Now the billionaires choice campaign will pose in a self-satisfied smug manner like never before. Their self-delusion of being heroic champions has been greatly magnified and all Republicans will now be forced by mandatory decree to drink the radical right-wing tea party poison that RUPERT MURDOCH-WALL STREET JOUNAL-FOX NEWS has been brainwashing cable-tv Republicans with for over a decade of beyond-Orwellian deep psyche propaganda. August 10, 2012. Who Needs Proof?|
|Romney Promises War On Internet Pornography and Medicare! Tax cheats and corporate fraudsters get a pass. Romney crime fighting team to focus on sick old pornography addicts. The Romney plan to scrub clean the internet by removing pornography and throwing sick old people to the curb has Representative Paul Ryan panting heavily at the chance to be Mitt's official running mate. August 5, 2012. American Porn Story|
| OOPS! Romney backs off "put up or shut up" after suddenly realizing who might have seen his ten years of zero payment tax returns in the 1990's. And yes, a former U.S. President as sharp as Bill Clinton could remember something like a famous Republican multimillionaire named Mitt Romney who ran against Teddy Kennedy being audited by the IRS for very shaky tax evasion schemes in the 1990s. Romney, a pioneer of offshore tax schemes, has already said that he was audited by the IRS frequently.
August 8, 2012. Shouldn'ta Said That News
|We Don't Pay Taxes, Only The Little People Pay Taxes! Bain has been the secretive vehicle of choice for multimillionaire tax cheats for over 20 years. So it was no surprise when Sen. Harry Reid said this week that he was personally told by a former Bain executive that Mitt Romney paid no personal income taxes for ten years despite making hundreds of millions of dollars in profits. Romney's tax returns will eventually get out and Mitt will likely be exposed as an insanely greedy tax cheat just like some of Bain's best customers. August 1, 2012. American Tax Dodgest|
| Editor Explains Romney Cover Choice! We had three good choices so we flipped a coin.
Willard Mitt Romney appears on the cover of Newsweek magazine this week with the unflattering description of Romney as a wimp. But it could have been worse. The article could have been about his embarrassing overseas trip to England, Israel, Poland and the Cayman Islands. July 29, 2012. NewsMonth Daily
| Romney Despised By Italians! In 2001, Mitt Romney led a Bain Capital flimflam deal that cost the Italian government and the Italian people $1 billion dollars of which Romney pocketed over $60 million personally and paid zero U.S. taxes.Yes, those foreign tax havens where Romney keeps his money come in mighty handy when you are a big enough crook to rip off the Italian government for over $1 billion dollars. Today the Italian people are still well aware of what was a huge scandal and embarrassment for the Italian government at the time. Italian citizens are incredulous that such a thief might become President of the United States and bring Italian-American relations to the lowest point since Mussolini made a deal with Hitler.
August 6, 2012. Watta About Italy News (Bloomberg)
| Romney Polarizes Poland! Mormon says nice statue but Jesus visited Utah and not Poland!
Mormon Elder Mitt Romney is polemic to the Polish population after both Catholic and Protestant pronouncements. Later, to make matters worse, Romney blundered by saying he came to pay his respects to the victims of the "Poltergeist". July 30, 2012. Future News ...before it happens!
|Romney Meets With Polish Sausage In Warsaw! The mustard's been flying ever since Romney went on his international tour so it was a fitting end to the trip. It's unknown if the six day trip changed any American voters minds but it's hard to imagine how Romney's blundering incompetence and innate creepiness won anybody over. July 31, 2012. Travel Disasters|
|Romney Stuffs Wad In Wall, Insults Palestinians! Mormon mensch Mitt Romney says the Jewish capital belongs in Jerusalem and Mormon capital belongs in Washington. Romney then checked off several stops on his full color Israeli tour brochure and added he was all for Israel bombing the shit out of Iran for any reason Israel wanted. Then an apparently clueless Romney said something ridiculous about the Jewish culture being superior to the Palestinian culture and the Jews having more money proves it. High ranking Palestinian diplomats went beserk and called Romney's words insulting and racist. July 29, 2012. News For Jews|
|Mitt Belittled in Britain! Brits in a pique over Mitt's critique! Mitt Romney has already won the gold medal for gaffes by first criticizing as "disconcerting" London's preparation for the Olympics and then profusely apologizing after the Prime Minister slapped him down in a public rebuke. Romney then met the leader of the opposition party but forgot his name. The British press is calling Romney a "wannabe" and going wild with headlines like "Mitt Hits The Fan!". July 28, 2012. Olympic Bloopers Blog|
| Romney Dodges Tax Questions By Fleeing Country! Lord Romney departs on six day trip to visit his worldwide tax shelter investments. Lord Mitt Romney and Bain have investments all over the world and many offshore accounts in tax haven countries for the sole purpose of paying no U.S. income taxes. Romney is also on a handshake and photo opportunity tour of foreign government officials because he has no diplomatic experience except for gutting American labor contracts, closing down factories and sending those jobs overseas after siphoning company profits and depositing the looted money or "dividends" in secret offshore bank accounts. READ MORE
July 21, 2012. Romney World Class Asset Report
|Romney Tries To Muzzle Attacks On Bain! Bain may be the bane of the Romney campaign. Lord Mitt Romney and Bain have many offshore bank accounts in tax haven countries for the sole purpose of paying no U.S. income taxes. Hundreds of accountants and auditor's are fighting for the chance to go over Romney's tax returns if only he would release them. Romney has refused to release more than one complete year (2010) and nothing so far for 2011 or any other year. Some zealous CPA's guarantee the discovery of shady tax strategies and deductions and possibly other serious smoking guns and discrepancies. Otherwise, why not release complete tax returns like every other Presidential contender in the last 50 years? Millions of Americans think Romney is hiding something damaging and can't be trusted. July 20, 2012. CPA Blockbuster News|
|Mitt Romney and Bain Capital ARE ONE AND THE SAME! Romney Lied About Investments In Fetus Disposal Company! Romney owned 100% of all Bain Capital shares, was Bain Capital CEO and Bain Capital Chairman and was paid (by himself) in excess of $100,000 per year as a salaried executive until 2002. Both Mitt Romney and the new partial owners (Romney's pals) of Bain Capital since 2002 falsely said Romney had nothing to do with this $75 million deal and the notorious steel plant deal and multiple Chinese manufacturing company deals but Romney was an active participant and signatory of all documents, CEO, Chairman and 100% owner of Bain Capital. Just 10 years ago serial vulture capitalist Mitt Romney was cashing in on his and Bain Capital's $75 million investment into Stericycle, a company that has been repeatedly attacked by anti-abortion groups for disposing aborted fetuses collected from family planning clinics. Lord Romney is already a proven world class hypocrite and liar but this story has been submitted for a new world record in the category of blatant hypocrisy. Talk about nerve. Here's a phony conservative Republican presidential candidate continually pandering to right-wing anti-abortion pro-lifers all the while he actually made millions of dollars in the fetus disposal business as recently as 2002. Would anyone be surprised if human Soylent Green is already another third world moneymaker in the Romney/Bain Capital global investment portfolio? READ MORE July 2, 2012. Mega Mendacity Monthly|
|Note To Ann Romney: Character assassination of a pioneer of vulture capitalism and American job outsourcing is not possible due to the lack of human decency or American patriotism requisite of an American job outsourcing vulture capitalist.|
|Note To All Working People: After Mitt Romney bought GST Steel he fired all employees and using immoral legal loopholes left the Federal government on the hook for more than $40 million in guaranteed pension payments. Romney then sold all company assets and made more than $40 million dollars in profit that ended up in overseas tax-free havens where Mitt Romney still controls hundreds of millions of dollars. Character assassination of a pioneer of vulture capitalism is not possible.|
|Mitt Romney A Pioneer Of Offshore Tax Beating Strategies! Foreign tax haven laws allow no way to determine if Romney's offshore tax avoidance strategies were legal or a tax evasion rip-off of American taxpayers. What is known for certain is that Lord Mitt Romney has many offshore accounts in tax haven countries for the sole purpose of paying no U.S. income taxes. No wonder Lord Mitt Romney continues to keep his tax returns secret. He could have avoided paying taxes all together for many years using the exact strategies he pioneered. July 18, 2012. Greedy Bastard Travel News|
|Remember This On The Fourth Of July! Mitt Romney made hundreds of millions of dollars betting AGAINST the American dollar and AGAINST the American worker. Romney's allegiance is to Money and Mormons with America and the American people distant also rans. Romney was a draft dodger who evaded any military service by fleeing to France in the middle of a war to peddle a religious cult to French schoolgirls. Proud father Romney has five grown sons who felt no call or obligation to serve in America's military either. That and a Mormons-only barbeque is what the Romney family calls patriotism on July 4th. Mitt Romney doesn't even keep his money in America and could have as much as a billion dollars secretly stashed and Americans would never find out about it. The latest estimates of Romney's wealth at well over a quarter of a billion dollars could be just a fraction of the treasure he has outside America but no one can verify the values of Romney's offshore accounts and other worldwide assets not accounted for. Romney still hasn't filed his income tax returns for 2011. July 4, 2012. God Bless America News|
|Lord Romney's Latino Speech No Bueno! Romney seems confused by President Obama's bold action and his own multiple conflicting previous positions! Lord Mitt Romney had nothing to say that convinced anybody in attendance that a Romney Presidency would benefit Latino families in any way. Romney refused to back off his promise to veto the Dream Act which is what President Obama partially enacted by executive order because the GOP House blocked passage of the popular legislation. The banquet food served before the speech was delicious and by far the highlight of the event. June 22, 2012. Latino Reporto!|
| Tense Standoff In Ohio! Middle class protestor refuses to move for Lord Mitt Romney's bus!
A volatile situation has stretched into the early evening as one middle class protestor of Romney's "Middle Class Under The Bus Tour" became irate and refused to get out of the way of the $950,000 luxury tour bus. The Ohio National Guard is on the scene and hoping to quell the situation without violence. A military spokesman said the Ohio National Guard hasn't killed anybody in Ohio since Kent State in the 1960's and he's hoping the protestor moves so Lord Mitt Romney can get the hell out of Ohio. June 18, 2012. Toledo Square Live!
| SONS OF OLIGARCHY! History books replete with ruinous consequences.
Governance by the progeny of the oligarchy has inevitably lead to failure. Lord Mitt Romney is a filthy rich son-of-an-oligarch and that makes him a statistically poor choice to lead the nation as President. Since civilization began the accomplishments of first generation leaders have dwarfed those of the pampered progeny of the oligarchic elite. Lord Mitt Romney's public record suggests no reason to suspect a 5,000 year-old trend will be reversed.
June 14, 2012. The Historical Facts Of Failure
|College Pals Say Mitt Was A Police Impersonator! "He really kinda creeped us all out!" Young Mitt Romney's favorite college prank besides gay bashing haircuts was putting on a Michigan State Trooper's uniform, mounting his own red flashing light on top of his white Rambler and then pulling drivers over while pretending to be a police officer. Today that would be considered a serious felony but to a wealthy college student prankster like Mitt Romney it was all great fun even though it seriously creeped out everybody who knew about Mitt's "pranks". Mitt was pretending to be a cop and supporting the Vietnam war all the time he was evading the Vietnam era draft with a missionary trip to France and four college deferments. June 9, 2012. Romney Flashback News Weekly|
|Miss America Pageant Rigged! Miss Pennsylvania says producers had list of finalists before pageant began! Executive Producer Donald Trump, who owns the Miss America Pageant, denied the show is rigged but admitted he's screwed all 50 states since he bought the show. The beauty pageant oligarch said he will now sue Miss Pennsylvania and make her life a living hell because he loves to destroy angry broads who dare to disrespect "The Donald". Miss Romney Rhode Island won the title and was appropriately deferential, submissive and complimentary to Trump at all times. June 7, 2012. Miss America Backstage|
|Marco's Wish Might Come True! Lord Romney may select Bush family protege for VP role! Marco Rubio of Florida is also known as the "Little Brown Bush" because he is entirely the political creation of former Florida Governor Jeb Bush. Marco Rubio for Vice President is the same as putting another Bush on the Presidential ticket and that delights the New World Order crowd of filthy rich billionaires who never tire of getting exactly what they want. Like Pinocchio, Marco Rubio is one small wood-colored boy who wished to his lucky stars for his dream to become a real Bush family member and those wishes may yet come true. June 2, 2012. Make-A-Wish Monthly|
|Mitt Romney Has A Birther Defect! Lord Romney afraid to go under the knife and remove cancerous talking tumor! Lord Mitt Romney is paralyzed with fear at the thought of offending or angering his lecherous alter ego and malignant billionaire sidekick and fundraiser. Trump continues to rant about Obama's birth certificate despite sounding like an imbecile. Trump also said Anne Romney has a nice butt and a great pair of legs while looking down her blouse and brushing his face against her blonde hair. May 29, 2012. CONS.com|
|Remember This On Memorial Day! Mitt Romney was a draft dodging coward! Romney evaded the draft by spending 30 months during the middle of the Vietnam war bicycling around France enjoying croissants and sleeping in a palatial Mormon-owned mansion in Paris with stained glass windows, chandeliers, an extensive art collection, a chef and a personal servant. It is unknown how many Mormons Mitt made but Mitt can now order fine food in perfect French while professing his great patriotism and love of the same American military he fled to France from in order to avoid military service. A blatant coward and extreme hypocrite, Mitt Romney did not return from France until it was certain he would not be drafted into military service. May 28, 2012. Le French Gourmet Gazetteer|
|FOX News Names Lord Romney American Idol! Official GOP propaganda and utter bullshit network embraces Rupert Murdoch's new bitch. Lord Romney can't sing but he can tell bald faced lies as fast and as frequently as any FOX news personality and that pleases billionaires who maintain their power by keeping voters ignorant, making them red hot angry and then misdirecting their rage for the benefit and amusement of those same billionaires. Rupert Murdoch can't stop laughing about how goddam stupid television viewers are and he never tires of manipulating their little tiny brains in accordance with any whim that crosses his sick mind. All FOX news personalities and contributors owe their careers and paychecks to their ability to tell endless lies that boost ratings and amuse Rupert Murdoch. Lord Mitt Romney cannot get elected without the massive help of FOX news which further delights Murdoch to no end. May 26, 2012. Fox Fabulous Fables|
|Romney Trained Other Dogs! Dog groomer claims Romney is serial bad habit dog trainer. Romney has said all along that dogs seem to enjoy riding on the roofs of moving vehicles. Now with these new revelations that there were several more dogs nobody is certain how many of Mitt Romney's dogs have gone airborne on the Interstate. A confidential unsigned affidavit from an anonymous dog groomer says she's never seen a family go through so many dogs. May 21, 2012. Daily Dog Groomer|
|Romney "Can't Recall" Leading Gay Bashing Assault! Five witnesses verified that 18 year-old Romney was a homophobic bully who led a group of prep school thugs in forcibly holding down one student with dyed blond hair and hacking his hair off with scissors. The student was suspected of being gay. The incident would be prosecuted as a felony assault and battery if it occurred today but Lord Mitt Romney now laughs about it saying the he "can't recall" that assault and besides he was young and so he "apologized" if while 18 year-old men his age were fighting and dying in Vietnam he was a spoiled filthy rich bully boy involved in a few "stupid pranks" that are now considered felonies. May 11, 2012. read more|
|Romney, Sect Leader Assent To Marriage Of Convenience On Wedge Issue! Lord Romney pandering desperately to right wing conservatives on gay rights. Lord Mitt Romney routinely and shamelessly takes a position on both sides of every issue. But the conservatives in the Republican party are not very excited about Mitt and so he must go begging for their approval and oppose gay rights harshly. Lord Romney appeared in a royal robe at Jerry Falwell's former tax dodge university to announce God is on Lord Romney's side no matter what Lord Romney has said before or what Lord Romney will say tomorrow. Liberty University is best known as a unanimous loser in the U.S. Supreme Court due to their attempts to actually suppress liberty. May 14, 2012. Top 10 Colleges To Avoid|
|Lord Romney Ready For Battle! Romney and Republicans certain to start new war if elected.
Lord Mitt Romney often takes a backward belligerent stance towards foreign nations because it makes him feel manly like an Old Spice sailor. Having dodged the Vietnam War in France, A President Romney will be itching to prove himself a manly man's man by forcing a hostile showdown somewhere in the world and then ordering his first kill. May 7, 2012. Mitt Makeover Monthly
|Lord Mitt Romney says "Of Course" He'd Have Freed The Slaves!
"Even Jimmy Carter would have done that." Lord Mitt Romney continued his delusional self-aggrandizement saying "Of Course" he'd have made the decision to go get Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan and added "Of Course" he'd have won World War I and World War II and "Of Course" he'd have told those Russians to tear down that wall. May 2, 2012 read more
|Lord Mitt Romney says "Of Course" He'd Have Crossed The Delaware!
"Of Course" he'd have written the Declaration Of Independence and "Of Course" he'd have discovered electricity. Lord Mitt Romney who can no longer open his mouth without blatant lies spilling out and his foot going in said "Of Course" he'd have made the decision to go get Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan and added "Of Course" he'd have made the Louisiana Purchase, invented the cotton gin and restored the Union after winning the Civil War. April 30, 2012 read more
|Mitt's A Hit! Romney breaks out in song after locking up nomination. Lord Mitt Romney now owns the Republican Party and to celebrate he joyfully ran through some of his favorite musical numbers from his favorite Broadway show. His most trusted allies and leading contenders for the Vice Presidential nomination joined the fun. Singing and dancing along with Lord Romney were Florida Senator Marco Rubio, Ohio Senator Rob Portman and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. April 26, 2012. Show Time Weekly|
|Lord Knows What The Ladies Like! Dough. Moolah. Scratch. Bread. Cash. Gelt. Gold.
Lord Mitt Romney says that if you give the ladies a taste of the golden goose all their petty problems seem to disappear like champagne bubbles. Lord Romney's only adviser on women's issues, Lady Ann Romney, enthusiastically agrees, literally singing her Lord's praises after a test drive in a gold plated luxury car she can afford with only a fraction of the cash available after Lord Romney closed his secret Swiss bank account for the sake of appearances. April 24, 2012. Golden Rule Monthly
|Mormon Jesus Turned Wine Into Root Beer! Jesus arrival in Utah faced skepticism. Mormons don't drink alcohol because when they do they have visions and rewrite the Bible. April 17, 2012. Jesus Monthly Update|
|Lady Ann Has Hands Full! Juggling motherhood and country club duties a full time job. Lady Ann Romney has many duties including looking after the children, looking after the Romney's multiple houses and many luxury cars, managing multimillion dollar assets, scheduling endless beauty, health and shopping chores, keeping track of family treasures, collections and other assets as well as planning for holiday extravaganzas and society charity balls. She also finds time for sporting activities and competes with her multimillion dollar stable of show horses. Hers is certainly not a life of idle opulent luxury but rather a more purposeful life of busy opulent luxury.
April 16, 2012. Country Club Monthly
|My Little Ponies!
Lady Ann Romney owns several dressage horses that cost over $1,000,000.
The Romney campaign is 100% certain that American working women will identify strongly with Lady Ann's common touch with her million dollar ponies. Because Lady Ann also occasionally rides in country club competitions one pony is not enough and because Lady Ann is filthy rich she can own as many ponies as she desires. Lady Ann intends to introduce the equestrian sport of dressage to the American public and hopes it will soon dominate the sports pages of American newspapers. Likewise, the Olympics-inspired Romney sons may use their new celebrity to promote their favorite sports of polo, archery and badminton.
April 14, 2012. Country Club Sportsman
|Romney Unzipped! Romney gets up close and personal during relaxing Easter weekend at his $12 million tax deductible California vacation beach house. The American taxpayers get a great deal subsidizing the Romney family vacation home because Mitt was able to unwind from his challenging task of convincing the American people to vote against their own best interests and make it easier than it already is for filthy rich multimillionaires like Romney to have a relaxing weekend. April 12, 2012. La Jolla Wealthy Asskisser|
|Not In Public! Mitt Romney hasn't been seen in public with Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker due to Walker's ongoing criminal investigation. A local janitor reports overhearing a secret restroom meeting discussing why Romney hasn't campaigned in public with Governor Walker due to Walker's looming recall election and his ongoing criminal investigation of activities before he became Wisconsin's Governor in 2010. April 3, 2012. Wisconsin Janitorial News|
|Romney Connects In Land Of Lincolns! Wealthy Republicans from Chicago and suburbs support Romney. Romney has said he not only wants to keep the budget-busting Bush tax cuts, he wants another 20% tax cut for the wealthiest of the wealthy. Not surprisingly Romney is the overwhelming favorite of Republican billionaires, millionaires and wanna be millionaires almost everywhere greed runs rampant. Romney's simple message of more money for the wealthy is easy to grasp. Meanwhile Mitt's rival, Rick Santorum, is wandering in the weeds downstate trying to sell his personal definition of a Christian God that is very angry at women and contraception. March 20, 2012. Lincoln Limo Leader|
|The Foxworthy Effect! Poll says 63% of Alabama GOP thinks voracious Chinese carp were intentionally released by Chinese Communists into U.S. freshwater lakes in order to destroy the American bass fishing industry. Romney responded by saying he would go after the Chinese by introducing an even more voracious American-bred carpus trumpus which is bred to devour it's own weight in Chinese fish daily and still be hungry.
March 13, 2012. Southern Bass Magazine
| Romney Accepts Rush Apology!
Mitt gladly goes prostitute to keep Limbaugh in bed with Romney campaign. Rush Limbaugh called women who use contraceptives sluts and prostitutes. And if they get their birth control free because of Obama's healthcare plan, Rush has demanded to watch those women having sex in online videos. After 12 sponsors quit, Rush Limbaugh apologized, sort of, but only for the use of two words. Romney forgave Rush immediately and put on a sexy black dress he hopes keeps Rush horny for a snug fit with Mitt because Mitt cannot win in November without Rush.
March 4, 2012. Romney After Dark
|Commander n' Chef! Romney has been ordering chefs around ever since he dodged the Vietnam War to live in Paris with a chef and personal servant. Romney spent 30 months during the Vietnam war bicycling around France enjoying croissants and sleeping in a palatial Mormon-owned mansion in Paris with stained glass windows, chandeliers, an extensive art collection, a chef and a personal servant. It is unknown how many Mormons Mitt made but Mitt can now order fine food in perfect French while professing his great patriotism and love of the same American military he fled to France from in order to avoid military service. February 24, 2012. Le French Gourmet Gazetteer|
|Mitt Or Myth?|
Romney Super PACs don't need no stinking policies!
Romney may be the only candidate in history to have created thousands of jobs for Mexicans by closing U.S. factories and relocating the machinery to Mexico. American workers left unemployed were just collateral damage to Romney and Bain Capital and they won't be mentioned in Romney's Spanish language ad campaign. Mitt's latest makeover is targeted at Latino voters but his macho ads lack any reason why Latino voters should actually vote for Romney. Mitt's Super PACs aren't worried about Latino policies because they assume if they run enough radio and television commercials they can convince any targeted group of people to vote against their own self-interest thereby making policies irrelevant.
February 2, 2011. Mitt's Makeover Monthly.
|Romney Offers Hope! Romney says you're just one Megabucks jackpot (per year) from lowering your tax rate and joining his minimum tax bracket. Mitt Romney feels the pain of compulsive entrepreneurs and risk takers who never stop striving to game the system. He realizes what motivates them is the winner-take-all way the federal tax system works for the big fish and that includes Megabucks jackpot winners. Romney's federal tax rate for 2010 was 13.9% or less than the tax rate paid by dishwashers in the casino's four star restaurant. Mitt Romney banked an after tax take-home profit of $57,000.00 per day in 2010. January 30, 2012. Federal Tax Dodgest|
|Romney Plan For Underwater Florida Homeowners: Eat More Fish!
None of the Republican candidates have a specific housing plan.
Economists say the solution to the housing crisis is reemploying the more than six million people who lost their jobs in the recession. People need jobs to buy houses and make mortgage payments and that will not change because of political rhetoric. Once the demand surpasses the supply home values will begin to rise again. If underwater homeowners live long enough and keep making their payments most will eventually recover their lost equity.
January 20, 2012. Florida Homes & Seafood
|You Go Gargoyles! Romney support in stone. Gargoyles gathered in Jersey City were prepared to leap into their first political campaign since their installations by filthy rich robber barons in the late 1800's. With a wealthy vulture capitalist candidate running, hopes here are high for a new generation of gargoyles and a continuation of this statuesque species. January 14, 2012. Gargoyle Gazette Reporter|
|Perry Has Proof! Mitt Romney and Bain Capital epitomized get rich quick vulture capitalism.
Rick Perry says Mitt Romney and Bain Capital were vulture capitalists and not venture capitalists. Perry hammered Romney over and over about the thousands of jobs lost in South Carolina as a direct result of Bain Capital shutting down factories in South Carolina, sending the jobs overseas and pocketing over $100 million dollars in profits but leaving behind a landscape of ruined lives and families. Romney made a habit of posing for victory photos with his fellow corporate raiders at Bain Capital during frequent celebrations of shuttered factories, job layoffs and looting millions of dollars from companies they bought. Bain's biggest profits were made directly off the suffering of thousands of working people who lost their jobs because of the predatory vulture capitalism perfected by Bain Capital and Mitt Romney. January 12, 2012. Perry's Whoopass News
|GOP Clown Car Comes To South Carolina! Nobody will quit despite another win for Mitt.
Mitt Romney won the GOP primary in the state of New Hampshire with 39.4% of the vote. Ron Paul was second with 22.8% and Jon Huntsman was third with 16.8%. Then came Gingrich at 9.4%, Santorum at 9.3% and Perry with 0.7%. Perry's New Hampshire showing was so doggone poor he was forced to ride in the crate atop Mitt's station wagon at the many South Carolina welcome parades. January 11, 2012. South Carolina Circus News
| Meet The Real Mitt, You're Fired!
Romney says he likes being able to fire people!
Mitt Romney was on the campaign trail in New Hampshire when he let the real Mitt slip out of the bag with an off script comment about switching healthcare providers after Romney guts the current healthcare system on day one of a Romney administration. Romney was trying to explain that under his plan to end Medicare, by substituting limited healthcare vouchers, you can easily fire anybody providing services you're not satisfied with. Mitt explained it as if the act of firing your doctor or therapist was in itself therapeutic and would provide long term health benefits equivalent to the medical care you will not receive once your voucher is spent. The idea of firing folks certainly thrills Mitt Romney who got visibly excited at that point and gleefully proclaimed how much he enjoyed firing people who didn't provide services up to his standards and satisfaction. Mitt Romney's personality is, not surprisingly, a lot like Donald Trump's as both men are filthy rich rich guys who are driven by massive egos, an overblown sense of entitlement, obsessed with endless self-promotion and possessed by the incredible level of pure greed necessary to amass obscene fortunes like theirs. Likewise, terminating employees has always been a source of joy for both men.
January 10, 2012. Mitt's Makeover Monthly
| Mitt Still Not Cooked! Flaming hoops next Survivor challenge for Lord Mitt Romney.
After two debates in 12 hours and the New Hampshire primary only a day away, Romney has yet to be roasted and salted but still has a couple of flaming hoops to jump through before he can claim the GOP nomination prize. The other candidates helped Mitt by attacking each other on Saturday night but Sunday morning they went after the frontrunner with a religious fervor. Romney's roast had Mitt baked a bit but not deep fried and despite his poll numbers dropping while Paul and Huntsman are gaining, Romney still has a large lead in New Hampshire. The bad news for Mitt Romney is that right-wingnut billionaire Sheldon Adelson just donated $5 million dollars to a pro-Gingrich Super-PAC for the sole purpose of putting a major league propaganda hit on Mitt.
January 9, 2012. New Hampshire Survivor Dome
| A Mitt For All Seasons!
Sarcastic Senator McCain endorses the new Mitt!
Following his eight vote landslide victory in Iowa Mitt Romney stepped off his chartered private jet to New Hampshire and was greeted by John McCain at an event announcing his endorsement of Romney for President. Nobody knows more about how to lose an election to Barack Obama than John McCain so Mitt was thrilled. Romney now has the voodoo economics wing of the center right splinter group of the mainstream Republican portion of the non-Tea Party division of the Republican Party in his corner. Romney wore a new sweater vest and chatted in a folksy style. The recent success of Rick Santorum obviously influenced Mitt's newest makeover but for Pete's sake! Mitt has proven time and again he can look or sound like anybody Republicans want him to look or sound like.
January 5, 2012. Mitt's Makeover Monthly
|Lord Mitt Romney Wins Iowa Caucus! 8-piece chicken dinner from KFC costs Santorum.
When the sun came up Wednesday morning Mitt Romney attended his coronation photo session on the Iowa Corn Throne as official winner of the Iowa Republican Caucus. Romney and his Super PACs spent enough money on the victorious campaign to purchase over 3000 acres of Iowa corn fields. Rick Santorum lost by 8 votes after a home-schooled bus driver ordered the 8-piece KFC combo and arrived too late to caucus. January 4, 2012. Iowa Corn Throne
|Corporations Are People, Romney Is Mass Murderer!
At Bain Capital, Romney committed abortions and infanticide on struggling young corporations.
Mitt Romney amassed a personal fortune of $250 million by buying out U.S. corporations, murdering them and sending any surviving human jobs overseas. Mitt says his expertise at murderering U.S. corporations will be used on government programs like Social Security because they are unjustly biased to favor human beings.
December 28, 2011. Corporate Abortions Today
|Romney Wins Illuminati Endorsement!|
Post-Apocalypse plans for New World Order securely in place.
In a private ceremony held in the 39th floor penthouse solarium of a Manhattan high rise, Mitt Romney received an essential endorsement from the Illuminati represented by none other than former President George H. W. Bush. The Illuminati control a majority of the world's wealth and have been the power behind thrones for more than 200 years. Less than 99 billionaire families control more wealth than 99% of the world's population. The Illuminati's plans for a post-Apocalypse New World Order have been in place for decades so the endorsement of one of their own in Lord Mitt Romney comes as no surprise. Fed Chairman Bernanke attended the event but stayed near the buffet table as the food is always excellent at these Illuminati chowdowns.
December 23, 2011. New World Order Tower
|Looks Like A Duck!|
Romney and Gingrich and mallard bonding ritual.
Mitt was asked if he thought Newt was a lobbyist for taking $1,800,000 from Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac while executives at those entities were committing securities frauds. Mitt replied "If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, it's usually a duck". Mitt knows ducks and keeps his ducks in a row but Mitt didn't mention another duck axiom, "It takes a duck to know a duck". Both Romney and Gingrich rake in millions of dollars every year and get taxed at a lower tax rate than their duck farm laborers who work every day shoveling after ducks because ducks produce half their body weight in duck dung daily.
December 19, 2011. Des Moines Duckument
|Mitt Outswam Newt!|
South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley endorses Romney after seeing Gingrich in swimtrunks.
Romney aced the hot tub portion of the Presidential endorsment interview process with a soft sell. As a moist Nikki warmed up and listened to Mitt's soothing salespitch voice, beads of moisture dripped over her full lips and off her soft chin into the soothing bubbly hot water at the exclusive Myrtle Beach Country Club. Then Mitt dove in and went with his best stroke as he closed the deal even though Nikki didn't say yes right away. Always the charmer, Mitt had already made a generous contribution towards renovating the club polo field knowing that Governor Haley loves riding her pony. Newt's awkward swim with Nikki went poorly due to the distraction of his embarrassingly flabby overweight physique that can evoke unprintable reactions and apparently did so.
December 16, 2011. Myrtle Beach Country Club
|Romney Debuts The New Mitt!|
He can be anybody Republicans want him to be for Pete's sake!
In a bold marketing gamble that reminds long time advertising people of the famous Coca-Cola switch, Mitt Romney unveiled a new reformulated Mitt Romney with obvious flavor influences from opponent Newt Gingrich. The Romney campaign realized Michele Bachmann had a great marketing slogan when she repeatedly chanted "Newt Romney" in the last Iowa Republican debate so they went right to work on Mitt's makeover. Mitt's campaign braintrust thinks they may have come up with just the right combination for compulsive candidate-switchers and undecided schizophrenic GOP voters in Iowa and are hoping this new tactic is the one that makes all Republicans finally accept Mitt Romney as the inevitable pre-selected nominee of the 2012 FOX News Presidential Election Corporation.
December 14, 2011. Mitt's Makeover Monthly
|L'Mitt Feeling Boxed In!|
L'Mitt frantically dodging tomatoes and attack ads from both Republicans and Democrats.
L' Pete's Sake! Romney is the only Republican candidate that Democrats have been running attack ads against and now with GOP verbage dirigible Newt Gingrich floating high aloft the GOP tent and polling first in many polls, L'Mitt has been triangulated like a truffle muffin and is feeling frantic as a Frenchman in a free dance fire drill. Can Mitt find his way out of this imaginery paper bag or recyclable cardboard box? Alas, what will be will be... 'cest le vie.
November 30, 2011. Le Mitt Royale Revue.
|Lord Mitt Romney's Secret Weapon!|
Wealthy frontrunner has gold to outspend rivals.
Romney was a corporate takeover artist who made $250 million by shipping American jobs overseas. He now has more personal wealth than the rest of the GOP candidates combined. Republicans, like ancient sects, worship gold and idolize a man ruthless enough to steal more of the sacred metal than others, especially if done while outwardly appearing trustworthy. If wealthy Lord Mitt Romney gains the people's trust, he gains immortality.
October 14, 2011. Romney Imperial Palace.
|His Royal Highness Lord Mitt Romney!|
Wealthy frontrunner Lord Mitt Romney champions government of the wealthy, by the wealthy and for the wealthy.
Honestly, no other candidate more accurately reflects the beliefs and values of Republicans today. "I've got mine and fuck you if you don't have yours." The original Tea Party in 1776 fought against tyranny from an English king with a deaf ear to economic injustices. But today's Tea Party of 2011 fights to establish an even more tyrannical economic imbalance than what existed in 1776. Personal and corporate greed and fear of losing what money they have are the core tenets of today's GOP Tea Party and the other people BE DAMNED! Mitt Romney was a successful corporate takeover artist who made $250 million by shipping American jobs overseas. He should be villified as a traitor to American workers, American freedoms and American families, yet because he has so goddam much money he is a hero and pied piper for the greed-infested rat nests of GOP and Tea Party economic slavemakers. They worship the man with the gold because they know with absolute certainty from everyday life in America that the man with the gold makes the rules and the people BE DAMNED!
October 12, 2011. Romney Imperial Palace.
|Mitt Got Trouble!|
That's trouble with a capital "T" and that rhymes with "P" and that stands for Perry.
Oh we got trouble, right here in the Grand Old Party. That's trouble with a capital "T" and that rhymes with Social Security. Friends, let me tell you what I mean. Ya got one, two, three four, five, six plans on the docket. That docket marks the difference between a gentleman and a bum. With a capital "B" and that rhymes with "P" and that stands for Perry. Oh we got trouble! Seniors of Leisure City! Heed the warning before it's too late! Your retirement dream is no Ponzi scheme! With a capital "D" and that rhymes with "P" and that stands for Perry. Oh we surely got trouble! With a capital "T" and that rhymes with "P" and that stands for Perry.
September 12, 2011. Miami Tea Party Opry
|Mitt Recycles Bush Cheney Blueprint!|
Romney doubles down on helping corporations and billionaires over middle class working people.
The Recyclopedia Romney plan celebrates America's soaring income disparity as prosperity and ignores the destruction of the middle class. The plan reduces middle class wages and benefits so corporate employers can hire two or three workers at poverty wages instead of providing one family supporting middle class job. The same old anti-middle class ideas have been GOP dogma for years.
September 5, 2011. Recyclopedia Romney HQ
|Mitt Ready To Test Southern Waters!|
Perry and Bachmann's popularity forces Romney to redouble efforts to win support from influential South Carolinians.
Mitt Romney may have a big lead in New Hampshire polls but he could be blown out of the landfill with a dismal performance in both Iowa and South Carolina. Thus, Mitt will employ his $250 million charm and try to demonstrate he has something that folks in South Carolina want really bad and that something is money. With all the noise about Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry and the Tea Party, Romney's strategy is that folks would prefer a C-note to a Tea bag and he's comin' on down to tell the South Carolina folks all about it. Don't count multi-millionaire Mitt out of any race in a state that has more preachers than paychecks. September 1, 2011. Myrtle Beach GOP God and Country Club
|Romney Fights For The Little People!|
Says little corporations are little people too.
With a personal fortune of only $250 million, Romney insists he really understands the little corporation and it's true. Romney amassed his modest nest egg by buying out U.S. corporations and sending their jobs overseas. Mitt says his fellow investors who plundered U.S. corporations and exported the jobs were people and that makes Mitt a man of the people. Romney did not paticipate in the Iowa straw vote. He's saving money for campaigns in states with more corporations because straws are not people.
August 12, 2011. Iowa Executive Parking Lot
|Romney, Huntsman Lose Faith In Iowa!|
Republican candidates downplay results in Iowa.
The Tea Party is popular in Iowa despite a majority of Americans now viewing the Tea Party negatively. Not pandering to the Tea Party populace invites punishment at the Iowa straw poll. Some Tea Partygoers rejoice at a potential American economic collapse convinced that an economic Armegeddon will propel them into absolute power.
August 10, 2011. Iowa Stadium Parking Lot
| Mitt Not Missing, Ends Weeks Of Silence! |
Mitt Romney is scheduled to appear on Jay Leno's Tonight Show because people thought Mitt was missing, out of the country, retired or locked in a cone of silence.
Mitt Romney was not lost but was missing the media attention he wasn't getting because of Sarah Palin. Palin gets more attention than any other candidate and Romney is worried people will forget he is supposed to be the frontrunner. Mitt doesn't want to waste time tweeting stupid Twitter messages but may be forced to start. Romney will be increasing his TV appearances in an attempt to keep up with the avalanche of Palin news, nonsense and the tweet musings of her infatuated masses.
November 30, 2010. Romney Media Search
| $250 Million To Be Mitt's Running Mate! |
Before Meg lost the California race for Governor and $140 million of her own money, Meg dreamed of a White House run with her mentor. Mitt is more than a hero to Meg and she'd do anything for the man she calls her mentor and main man. She practically swoons when he's in the room and he has a noticeable effect on her similar to Bieber fever. One psychobabble body language quack suggested Meg has a schoolgirl crush on Mitt and the $250 million dollar offer would be within the realm of possibility for a lovestruck billionaire.
November 4, 2010. Arizona's Cialis Hills Hideaway Resort
| FLASHBACK: Still Tripping On LDS! |
Mitt Romney is a Mormon and may never be able to convince some right-wing conservative Christian Evangelicals to trust The Church of Latter Day Saints most prominent Presidential candidate ever. No matter what Mitt Romney has previously said, some right-wing conservative Christian Evangelicals believe members of the LDS church are not real Christians or aren't Christian enough. Mitt has tried to assure those folks since, politically, they are mostly conservative Republicans and Tea Partiers, but Mormon Mitt will likely continue to trip on the LDS issue for as long as he's a Mormon. His 2008 call for a democracy of religions today falls on the same deaf ears of folks who are also terrified to the point of madness by the presence of an Islamic community center.
October 4, 2010. Salt Lake LDS Explanation Station
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