|Eastwood Casts Condi For Epic Remake! Republicans enlist Hollywood to rewrite history. Republican's favorite movie star, Clint Eastwood, will retell the story of the South in a new film based on the classic "Gone With The Wind" only the Confederacy wins the Civil War in Eastwood's version and slavery survives and thrives up until modern times. All the slaves in this movie are extremely happy and the drama comes from Eastwood portraying a determined Jefferson Davis and his handling of the public turmoil over ordering all Union liberals to march west and cross the Mississippi River along with all the native peoples called Indian savages. All formerly freed slaves are rounded up and sold to pay off the war debt of the Confederate States but they are grateful and delighted to get back to work. Eastwood must convince members of his own family about how life will be better for his efforts to keep his beloved Confederacy conservative, all white and God-fearing. Condeleeza Rice will make her acting debut along with an all-Republican cast under the guidance of Eastwood who will also direct and pen the screenplay. John Boehner will have a cameo role as a bartender who collects a cash reward for capturing and imprisoning a runaway slave named Obama. August 31, 2012. Republican Film Festival Report|
| Ryan Was Lyin'! Paul Ryan sets modern record for number of zombie lies in one political speech.
Paul Ryan inexplicably destroyed his credibility with dozens of whoppers. Fact checking organizations have never been so busy issuing statements about the incredible number of lies Ryan knowingly made in his speech at the Republican National Convention. Ryan surpassed any and all recent convention speeches for total number of lies, distortions, deceptions, and so many of his false statements had already been debunked and labeled zombie lies. Ryan paid no attention to the truth or to facts and his hypocrisy was an unprecedented insult to the intelligence of all voters. August 30, 2012. False And Fiction News
|It's Legitimate! Romney officially declared party nominee and party platform adopted by voice vote. Todd Akin's ignorant statement about "legitimate" rape made headlines last week but his actual views are identical to Paul Ryan's and the official Republican Party platform. To Akin and Ryan, rape is just another form of conception and abortion should be illegal in all cases. The entire Republican Party platform is an incredibly harsh document that seems written in another century. The Republican position on abortion being illegal even after rape is opposed by 80% of Americans including 60% of Republicans. The Republican party has been hijacked by zealous right wing nuts and it seems unlikely that Mitt Romney can grab his nuts and manhandle them into any kind of appealing image. August 29, 2012. Tampa-X Insider News|
|GOP Women Explain Opposition To Abortion and Birth Control! After more than 40 years without sex many Republican women decide abortion and birth control are wrong! They don't see what the fuss is. Boys and girls should act like they did back in the day and Mitt Romney is just the man to take our country back. And we have to send those brown people back to Mexico and Mitt is just the man to chase them across the border. And what's the big deal about Mitt's taxes when Obama has a phony birth certificate and we know because we stay at the Trump Casino in Atlantic City. And Hannity says it's just horrible that Obama stole $700 billion from Medicare and gives welfare checks to black people for not working just to get their votes. And Obama and the federal government should keep their damn hands off our Medicare and Medicaid and seniors prescription drugs benefits. And Obamacare gives out free birth control and encourages teenage girls to have sex while we pay for it out of our Social Security. It's just awful what Obama has done! August 28, 2012. Whitey's News Network|
|GOP Wants More For Welfare Queens! Corporate welfare costs America more than all social welfare programs combined. You could fund the entire food stamp program and three weeks of war in Afghanistan with just the unnecessary corporate welfare going to five big oil companies. Unfortunately for America, Republicans and their lying super PACS are not talking about corporate welfare but spending millions of dollars on insulting and false ads conjuring up negative stereotypes of lazy blacks from long ago. The GOP is selling hatred to fire the racist bellies of isolated angry white people and betting those people cannot distinguish truth from the non-stop despicable lying horseshit propaganda being dumped on their heads by racist mercenary GOP sons of bitches. August 27, 2012. Whitey's News Network|
| GOP Convention Update! Paul, Bachmann, Perry, Cain, Huntsman, Palin and Jindal snubbed.
Almost every prominent Republican politician to campaign against or endorse someone other than Mitt Romney in the GOP primaries has been denied the chance to directly address the GOP convention. Payback is a bitch in politics. Also excluded were George W. Bush and Dick Cheney as party goers don't like to be reminded of the reality of their failures. A miffed Michelle Bachmann announced she will orate in the parking lot. Only Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum grovelled low enough and kissed enough Romney bottom to get minor roles. Santorum got assigned the humiliating role of telling the completely false Medicare lie and Gingrich is briefly included in a Ronald Reagan, the God, religious style tribute. This convention is no love fest but will still feature many famous faces fawning ferociously over Mitt Romney as phony flattery will flow like a fustian fountain of flapdoodle. August 26, 2012. News Preview Network
|The Ayn Ryan Plan! It was Mom's ideology all along! Paul Ryan's mother, Ayn Ryan, who long ago loved those novels by her nickname namesake and ideological fountainhead, author Ayn Rand, appeared on the campaign stage and invigorated her son as he beamed in his mother's adoration. Ryan then went on to self-congratulate his struggle for we the living with a virtuous selfishness that delighted the mini-multitude of materialists on hand. Like Atlas shrugging off a gnat, Ryan sang his anthem and needed neither logic nor veracity to take his home run trot for an elite cheering section of wealthy Republican seniors at The Villages Yacht Club in Florida. August 25, 2012. The Ayn Ryan Report|
|Romney Ryan Mull Security Issues! Uniform appearance bolsters thin security credentials.
Mitt Romney was wearing a crisp new security guard uniform as he recalled in his college days he used to dress up as a Michigan state trooper and stop other student's cars. Paul Ryan added he once helped escort a minority transient from the McDonalds restaurant he worked at as a teen. Despite zero military background or foreign policy experience Romney and Ryan are confidant in their ability to wage a conflagration of Biblical proportions. A prior photo op on a battleship was also meant to show that the Republican ticket deems itself ready to wage a nuclear holocaust. August 24, 2012. Unarmed Forces Report
| Republicans Turn Back Time! Mount Rushmore of backward thinkers assume fetal positions.
On issue after issue the official Republican Party platform reeks of Alzheimer's degree nostalgia for long ago whites-only eras. With a rally cry of "Forward To The Past" they march backwards against basic civil rights, against women's rights, against worker's rights, against gay rights and against all Latino immigrants while blacks continue to be marginalized through racist voter ID laws, poverty, poor schools and wildly disproportionate incarceration rates.
| Fire-eyed Republican legislators goaded by venal billionaire toadies continue to write bill after bill telling women what they can and cannot do with their own bodies and blatant undisguised racism against Latinos by elected public safety officials is heralded as heroic in vast regions of right-wing America where the celebration of ignorance has reached a Mardi Gras hysteria. Mitt Romney has promised to end the Affordable Healthcare Act, defund basic women's healthcare, says we have enough teachers, recklessly encourages war with Iran, give himself huge new tax breaks and is the biggest backward uninspiring non-thinker in the whole goddam Republican looney bin.
August 23, 2012. National Neocryptic Ragazine
|GOP Ads Shelved! Republican turns out to be biggest fraud in U.S. history. Yes, George W. Bush assisted by a Republican Supreme Court stole the 2000 election but Bush's good buddy and fellow Republican, Lance Armstrong, also perpetrated a huge fraud, the biggest fraud in U.S sports history. All of Armstrong's cycling victories were erased due to doping charges. Another ad included Randy Travis who campaigned for George Bush but Randy just got fired from his gig at the Republican National Convention because of a recent rowdy drunk driving arrest. The ads were prepared to create warm and fuzzy feelings during the convention by showing endearing moments of past Republican Presidents but those moments have been hard to find for decades and copies of the only two ads created have now been confiscated and burned. August 22, 2012. Bad Ads Report|
| Carney The Magnificent! Great seer, soothsayer, sage and White House Press Secretary Jay Carney correctly divined the answers to the questions concerning the Republican Convention and Todd Akin. NO one knew the contents of the hermetically sealed envelopes, but Carney in a borderline divine and mystical way was able to ascertain the answers having never before seen the questions.
August 21, 2012. Why House Presto Room
| Jesus Issues Harsh Storm Warning To Republicans! Son of God says he wants none of any political platform.
Karl Rove laughed off Jesus' threat of dire consequences in Tampa saying "We own you, White Jesus, and I've got the numbers to prove it." Evangelical and Tea Party right-wingers have always assumed Jesus was a right-wing Republican and said the announcement of a tropical storm and possible hurricane approaching Tampa has nothing to do with the radical anarchist Republican political platform or their angry, arrogant, self-righteous brand of no-compromise party-before-country politics. Jesus also voiced displeasure over the GOP "Guns and God" slogan saying the only time he ever shot a sidearm was when he visited Utah in the 1800's so Jesus is quite upset that his reputation has been married to weaponry.
August 20, 2012. Apocalypse News & Weather
| Randy Travis Loses GOP Convention Gig To Kid Rock! His drunk driving arrest following a Texas car crash costs the country music legend a big gig.
The country music star will now have to play three lesser parties to make his drinkin' money. Travis was an early supporter of Michelle Bachmann last year before she nosedived in the polls. A couple of other local drunks said disappointment drove Randy to drink because Randy is a patriotic hard right winger and worries a lot about Obama and socialism. After the car crash Randy was found by deputies passed out and naked and then threatened to kill 'em in route to the station. Since then Randy was cited for misdemeanor assault in a church parking lot where Randy was havin' a tailgate party with a stray wife when her angry ex appeared and saw her diggin' up bones forever and ever, amen.
August 19, 2012. North Texas Apocalypse News
|Trust Me, I Haven't Been A Tax Cheat For At Least 10 Years! Says no need to verify. Romney refused to verify his claim by releasing any tax returns and made no mention of his alleged zero payment tax returns from 1992 until 2002 when Mitt caught the political bug again in Salt Lake. Slick Mitt did say he paid at least 13% in taxes every year for the last 10 years but refused to specifically call those taxes income taxes and the totals may have included property taxes and sales taxes. After his landslide Senate defeat in 1992, Mitt decided he was through with politics and pursued every dirty tax scheme ever invented and then invented dozens more. He was investigated several times by the government for numerous nefarious activities involving foreign tax cheating of which he became a recognized specialist and go-to guy for El Salvadoran cartels and other cash-rich types who were assured complete anonymity when investing in Romney's multiple schemes. August 18, 2012. The Sludge Report|
| Hoity Toity! Queen Anne huffs and puffs and says ENOUGH! NO more tax questions! NO more tax releases! NO more tax returns! You little people are really starting to annoy me! And that aggravates my condition and I WILL go riding if you ask me any more tax questions. I absolutely will not tolerate any more tax questions! I absolutely FORBID it! Queen Anne Romney of the Mormon Throne became incensed after prying questions about a $77,000 tax deduction for "dancing horses" and a $31,000 tax deduction for "painting roses red". The Queen was already in a high dudgeon having traveled all the way to those dreary North Atlantic islands only to have her prized dancing horse denied a medal. Queen Anne called that humiliation a devastating disappointment and vowed not to return to those foreign shores.
August 17, 2012. Trickle Down News Network
President Barack Obama
DAILY RACING RAG
EXCLUSIVE SPECIAL REPORTS!
If everybody else had these exclusive special reports they wouldn't be exclusive or special.
| Forward! The coming presidential election offers an easy choice. America as a democracy with a President of the people and for the people... OR ...America as a plutocracy ruled by billionaires who are catered to by Republican Koch-sucking stooges in Congress and a "Rubberstamp Romney" in the White House. We endorse the re-election of President Obama and the ouster of every Republican member of Congress.
Daily Racing Rag
|Record Review - Gutsy Folk - Mitt Makes Music! Republicans counting on catchy patriotic themed jingles to win over clueless independent voters and amnesia victims! This record may not top the Billboard charts but if anything can bring back old-time barbershop harmonies it's the gawd-awful flat tone wailings on this far right freaking disaster. August 16, 2012. Politics & Music Magazine|
| Mitt Romney Once Said The Tea Party Is Like A Ferret In The Dishwasher! They're so angry and frightened they even bite people who try to help them. None other than Mitt Romney is the author of that platitude about the Tea Party. Romney was consoling a Senate Republican primary loser in Utah when he came up with that articulate adage. As usual for Mitt, the quote got out and now he has to pretend he didn't say it so he can face those frenzied ferrets in a Tampa dishwasher because heavy rain is predicted for the Republican National Convention. By now, however, Republicans have seen Mitt lie so many times that another lie means less than zero. Romney/Ryan is their ticket and they're sticking with it.
August 15, 2012. The Adage Report
| The Deal Maker! Ryan insisted on a promise to get kid toys put back in his favorite happy meals! Paul Ryan says Michele Obama's campaign of encouraging children to eat healthy foods has robbed youngsters of really cool toys and hurt fast food corporate profits as millions of obese children could be much fatter. Romney showed his flair for closing a business deal and his experience from raising five sons by presenting Ryan with an awesome scale model die cast Wienermobile and an amazing genuine Star Wars collectible. Ryan was breathless and accepted Mitt's offer immediately.
August 14, 2012. The Fridge Report
| Heckuva Job, Brownie! Ryan Plan betrays every American under the age of 55 to pander to, ass-kiss and brown-nose an old white billionaire who finances tea party extreme right wingnuts and their America-killing greed and anarchy. With penetrating insight his high school senior class voted Paul Ryan "biggest brown-noser" but few would have ever thought he'd author the GENERATIONAL TREASON found in the Ryan Plan. Romney endorsed it and House Republicans passed it. Countless millions of Americans will be robbed of the benefits that Ryan's sugar daddy currently enjoys. That is billionaire shit on Ryan's nose but eager-to-please Paul calls it brown sugar. READ MORE
August 12, 2015. Traitor Joe's Weekly
|Ryan Plan Is A Vulture Capitalist's Dream Come True! Gutting Medicare will make millions of senior's assets easy pickings for financial vultures. Many of those vultures were personally inspired by Mitt Romney's incredible accumulation of other peoples money. The yearly income tax savings to Romney from the Ryan Plan would be enormous and one tax expert concluded that Mitt Romney could not have written a bill more beneficial for himself. READ MORE August 11, 2015. More Amazing Tax Tactix|
| Ryan Plan Postcard From The Future! Homeless full time employees can afford to rent brightly colored deluxe pup tents to sleep and live in after business hours. Employee toilet privileges are extended 30 minutes before opening and after closing daily in exchange for fewer breaks during the 12 hour workday. No paid holidays, no paid vacations, no sick pay, no time off but Paul Ryan says it will be good for people and inspire them to succeed. United Nations medical technicians will visit semi-annually to provide employee healthcare. The Salvation Army will provide Bibles, blankets and prayer cloths. Unemployed poor people will be canned as sardines and sold for Chinese cat food. READ MORE
August 10, 2015. Bet Line News
|Ryan Boosts Romney Share Price! Until Romney chose Ryan he was tanking. Paul Ryan has given the Romney share price a boost but it is still far from the Obama price and Obama remains the favorite of people who have bet money on the horse race. In-trade betting has for many years been the most accurate predictor of U.S. election winners. August 8, 2015. Bet Line News|
|Romney Picks Boy Wonder As Running Mate! Just in time to divert spotlight from Bain Capital and Romney's tax cheating years. Now the billionaires choice campaign will pose in a self-satisfied smug manner like never before. Their self-delusion of being heroic champions has been greatly magnified and all Republicans will now be forced by mandatory decree to drink the radical right-wing tea party poison that RUPERT MURDOCH-WALL STREET JOUNAL-FOX NEWS has been brainwashing cable-tv Republicans with for over a decade of beyond-Orwellian deep psyche propaganda. August 6, 2012. World Class Asset Report|
| OOPS! Romney backs off "put up or shut up" after suddenly realizing who might have seen his ten years of zero payment tax returns in the 1990's. And yes, a former U.S. President as sharp as Bill Clinton could remember something like a famous Republican multimillionaire named Mitt Romney who ran against Teddy Kennedy being audited by the IRS for very shaky tax evasion schemes in the 1990s. Romney, a pioneer of offshore tax schemes, has already said that he was audited by the IRS frequently.
August 4, 2012. Shouldn'ta Said That News
| We Don't Pay Taxes, Only Little People Pay Taxes! Mitt Romney and Bain were one and the same and Bain was the secretive vehicle of choice for multimillionaire tax cheats for over 20 years. Romney helped hundreds of tax cheats cheat the U.S. treasury out of tax revenue but banking records are secret in the Cayman Islands and that's why Mitt still keeps his money there. Senator Harry Reid said this week that he was personally told by a former Bain investor that Mitt Romney paid no personal income taxes for ten years despite making hundreds of millions of dollars in profits. With each new detail emerging Romney is looking more and more like an insanely greedy tax cheat just like some of his best customers.
August 4, 2012. American Tax Dodgest
| Romney Despised By Italians, No Visit To Italy! In 2001, Mitt Romney led a Bain Capital flimflam deal that cost the Italian government and the Italian people $1 billion dollars of which Romney pocketed over $60 million personally and paid zero U.S. taxes.Yes, those foreign tax havens where Romney keeps his money come in mighty handy when you are a big enough crook to rip off the Italian government for over $1 billion dollars. Today the Italian people are still well aware of what was a huge scandal and embarrassment for the Italian government at the time. Italian citizens are incredulous that such a thief might become President of the United States and bring Italian-American relations to the lowest point since Mussolini made a deal with Hitler. READ MORE
August 3, 2012. Watta About Italy News (Bloomberg)
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|Al-Awlaki's Final Seconds On Tape!|
Hellfire missile finds American-born terrorist in Yemen desert. Anwar al-Awlaki was humming along in his just-washed 1988 Mercedes Benz on the main highway crossing the hot Yemeni desert in the Al Jawf region and talking jihad with Samir Kahn, his webmaster and only other known American-born al-Qaeda terrorist, and then... Byaaaaang! He's soot. President Obama announced the development adding we've run out of influential American-born radical al-Qaeda terrorists to vaporize.
October 6, 2011. Yemen Blockbuster Video.